Happy Thanksgiving Day

Thanksgiving 2012  Today has been a very good day, I have cooked most of it, when I say cook,  I baked bread, a cake, made stuffing, and roasted a turkey breast to have as leftovers.  Oh and I made gravy.   Tonight its off to a friends for Thanksgiving celebration! I'm taking the stuffing, gravy, and baked goods with me. It should be a great meal. 

This is the first Thanksgiving without my mother, so its different. Still there is much to be thankful for!  Health, work, employment, a roof over one's head, food, clothing, medications, a car to get from place to place.  Then there are my friend's and family I am thankful for those close to me God has brought into my life.  A lot has changed in my life since last Thanksgiving, but that is life right?

Oh I will NOT be out shopping tonight or tomorrow for that matter.  I avoid Black Friday! Hope you enjoy it if you go, just be safe!

A Scripture for today is...
Psalm 136:1-3: 136:1 Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good,for his steadfast love endures forever. 2 Give thanks to the God of gods,for his steadfast love endures forever. 3 Give thanks to the Lord of lords,for his steadfast love endures forever. . . .

 

Transgender Rembrance Day 2012

In honor of Transgender Remembrance Day.  Let us all think of those who have been killed or injured  simply for being Transgender.  For daring to be in public as they view themselves.   For seeking recognition and love as they are for who they are.
Let our community continue to stand against this kind of  discrimination, and hate.  Please take a moment and pray for those who seek to be true to who they are.
Anti gay hate crimes and discrimination need to be included in all non discriminatory laws.

Lets stop the hate!

Monday Medley: Work Hard

Another Monday! Thanksgiving week at that.  Wow how things have changed in my life since last Thanksgiving week!  Well That's life I guess. Enjoy today's selection. I like the tune and movement of this song. Stay tuned for the next post about an issue that has come up with my application for the Master degree. 

http://youtu.be/RTj36YBfxSU

A Cancer Warrior

There are two definitions of a cancer survivor in use today.  The most common and relevant is the cancer patient fighting and living with a cancer diagnosis.  There is another definition used by the “I Can Cope Cancer Education program,” which states a Cancer Survivor is one whose life has been touched by cancer.  This could be a patient, a family member, or friend, even a health care professional anyone who has a tie to the patient. This is in recognition of the fact cancer impacts not only the life of the one with its diagnosis, but those who are related to the patient in some way. Cancer changes everything for these folks.  Personally, by the second definition, I am a cancer survivor. Cancer has touched my life profoundly as a Chaplain. 

Here I would like to talk about a term used by a friend of mine, which I think speaks volumes about the individual patient’s fight with this insidious disease. Cancer Warrior,  I would define a cancer warrior as the person with the diagnosis who is determined not to be defeated by cancer.  Not to allow it to steal his or her life, joy, or fun. Rather this warrior fights and fights on.  The warrior does not lose hope or the will to live, even in the face of what may look like defeat the fight changes but continues.  

As I mentioned above, I am a cancer survivor by the fact it touches my life through my patients, and those I know. I look back at people I have known in my youth, whom I looked up to, who dealt with this diagnosis.  I think of the patients whom I have known over the years. For Some I was there soon after they heard their diagnosis, and was with them through their battle to remission.  Others I was with them when the battle changed from curative to symptom management.   I am a survivor because I carry something of each of these people and their families with me that impacted me.  As I learned to be present with them, they taught me about living. I received more from them, than what I might have provided. I carry with me the knowledge of their journey as they shared their narrative with me. What I learned from each of them is often used in my work today.  There is more…

I have in my life a close friend who is a Cancer Warrior, the same friend who introduced this term to me. He is one who has impacted my life in many ways over the years.  His approach to life and many of the issues surrounding being gay is teaching me not to take things too seriously and encourages me to live who I am and do what brings me fulfillment.  He is an example to me of moving forward in that he is not allowing his diagnosis to keep him from reaching toward his goals. In fact it may be pushing him forward.  You see cancer is touching my life through him, but in a more personal way than I have ever experienced.  For the first time, someone close to me who I love has it.  It’s different, I find myself thinking about the side effects of the treatments, thinking about how he is handling it all. I know it gets to him, the fatigue, the routine of treatments, going for tests.  There is the hope of remission and ultimately living life cancer free which is a driving force. I want to do all I can to support him through this and celebrate with him in his victory.

My prayer for him is that the treatments will do all for him it can possibly do. That all cancer cells will be eliminated and even washed from his body. For him to live a long and healthy life, free of the thought of cancer.  I pray for him to be enabled to live his dreams of earning his degrees, teaching, writing and being a published author. My hope for his life is healing, and one day the novel he is working on would be on the New York Times best seller list.  Do you have a cancer warrior in your life?

Veterans Day 2012

My father was a Navy Veteran of World War One. We always flew our Stars and Stripes on appropriate Holidays. I always "helped" put up and take our flag down, so I learned at an early age about flying the flag. I always remember on November 11 that it was the 11th day of the 11th month at the 11th hour that the treaty of Versailles was signed ending the "Great War".  Today Veterans Day holds an expanded meaning far beyond the recognition for Veterans of one war.  Today we should think of and pray for all those who currently serve our country all over the world.  We should think of those Veterans who live with their battle scars, be it physical, or some invisible scar they carry with them. Those Veterans who struggle adjusting to civilian life, finding a job, getting an education, living their dreams, coping with injuries.

We need to show them the respect they have earned and deserve. Today remember those who serve our country, who protect the cause of freedom.  Thank a Veteran!

http://youtu.be/5Ct6GtwSCH4

 

Post Election 2012

Voting on the day. Well its all over! No more political ads!  Several things I want to sound off on about the election, first the long lines.  Knowing this is such an important election, plans should have been made to have more help at the polls, especially with checking voters in. Second, more voter machines would have helped as well. 

Now for the results.  I am very pleased that President Obama has been re-elected.  He most closely represents what I am looking for on tax and social issues especially.  I am pleased our state elected a democrat to Senate.  However, I am not pleased with the outcome of the House race, oh well I guess.  I had hoped for at least a closer split in the House, that the far right wing tea party people would have their wings clipped.  I feel they have contributed to the worsening gridlock we have in Congress. not sure how things will be in the near future, but time will tell.

It appears Virginia is now a 'Blue" state for the most part at least.

Gay Marriage:  Now the really big results for the Gay community!  Same Sex Marriage has been approved by popular vote referendum in two states!  I hope and think this represents changing in views of the general population. My roommate told me about an article he read where in the 90's many did not know a gay person, (reality check, they did not admit knowing a gay person)  In 2012 a large portion of the population says they have a gay friend or relative.  How times are changing, as Martha would say "Its a good thing" 

Lets keep our country, President, Congress and economy in our thoughts and prayers as they seek to lead and deal with issues we all face.

Election Day 2012 Please Vote

This morning I went to go vote before going to work.  I wanted to be there when the doors opened, well half of my precinct had the same idea!  The line was down the street! a very good thing too, but not enough time for me to stand in line and be at work ontime as well.  I will leave work early to vote.

 

Monday Medley: National Anthem Go VOTE

Tomorrow is a very important day in the life of every citizen of the United States.  It's the day we have the opportunity, privilege and responsibility to get out and vote for the candidates of our choice.  I encourage every reader who is a registered voter in this great country of ours to get out and vote! I intend to be there when the polls open. Know the issues which are important to you, understand the party platforms and where the candidates stand on those issues important to you. May I suggest you pray on your decision and vote accordingly. If your a U.S. Citizen and not registered to vote, I encourage you to register for the next election and vote!

Today in honor of our country and Decision 2012, I am posting the National Anthem sung by the military chorus. 

http://youtu.be/9ETrr-XHBjE

The Morning After Halloween

My Halloween was uneventful, nothing exciting happened about it at all. I was not home during the trick or treating hours, nor was my roommate, so I don't know if anyone attempted to knock on our door. No lights should have indicated not to, but you never know.  Today and tomorrow are known as All Saints and All Souls day in the Christian calendar.  Observed primarily by Catholic and Anglican churches, these days have grown to be observed by many in Protestant churches as well. 

These two days All Saints is known as a feast to remember those who attained "Sainthood" though many protestant churches recognize any Baptized believer as a saint.  All Souls is to remember anyone who died.  Now this is not meant to be an authoritative definition but just my understanding, and serves to help make my point today. These two days are set aside as a special time to remember those we love who have died.  Some churches do this at different times during the year, some have blue Christmas service to help folk cope with grief through the Holidays. My individual  church does this as part of the annual Memorial day service where a rose is placed on the alter by a family member of a deceased member. In addition to giving tribute to those who died serving our country. 

This year it seems, has been one loss after another for me and my family. I don't recall a time in my life when I have experienced loss in scope or frequency as I have this year. Each loss seems to magnify the other. One part of grief is the recognition that love does not end when the person loved is gone.  The Bible confirms this in I Corinthians 13:13, "Now faith, hope, love abide, but the greatest of these is love" some translations have is as love abides forever. Love changes over time I think, for instance I have a friend for whom I had romantic feelings in the past that he did not have for me.  There was a grief but I still wanted him in my life as my friend, I still love him but differently.  The love I have for him now is returned by him. 

In the same way, my love for my mother is still there but different now.  There is a sadness attached a bitter sweetness. I wonder how that will change as time passes? I look forward to the days ahead, as my grief heals and changes to the new normal I have read about and share with others who grieve.

Thanks for reading.



 

Halloween 2012

Though I have not really celebrated Halloween in years, I don't view it as I once did. Its a fun night for the children,  there is nothing inherently evil about the day.  Which some fundamental to conservative folk think exists. They need to study and consider Christian heritage and tradition surrounding both Halloween and All Saints Day. Last year was the first time in a long time I gave out candy, and that was at the church Trunk or Treat.  At home home I don't and won't this year either.  Its not like I have children or know the families in the neighborhood.   This will be a different Halloween for many in the northeast, some communities will reschedule the trick or treating due to the storm damage.  I heard on the news this morning New York Gov. Cuomo said he would sign an order to reschedule trick or treating, and quipped to Election day. LOL!

This year, my thoughts turn to the memories of my childhood Halloween celebrations.  It was always a lot of fun choosing a costume, picking a pumpkin, carving said pumpkin.  I recall the first year I was too old for trick or treating, my sister and I set up the record player and played spooky music out the window for all those who came to our house. Those are good memories. 

In observance of Halloween this blogger shares the images and music below


http://youtu.be/aOPeJuvLJYs

http://youtu.be/25LBTSUEU0A

 

 

 

Sandy Is Moving On

Well today the worst of Sandy seems to be over for us here in southeast Virginia.  I think people here did the wise thing in closing schools and workplaces to keep people off the road. We had mostly rain and flooding in our area. the high tide was over 6 feet above normal so flooding was not as bad as it could have been.  I hope people impacted by this storm all up the eastcoast can recover quickly and move on with their lives. We can never underestimate the power of these storms to wreak havoc on our lives.

Keep praying for those effected by the storm. hope for clear skies!

Monday Medley: Storm Edition

It is my prayer and hope that all in the path of this storm be where they are safe from its harm.  I also pray for its strength and effect to deminish as it moves closer to shore, or that it veer to the east and out to sea. For today I thought I would post some calming music to help soothe during this time. Be safe, Be strong, make wise choices during the storm and the days following.


http://youtu.be/oDtQgmHIyAQ

 

Log Cabin Republicans

Recently the Log Cabin Republicans formerly endorsed Mitt Romney.

Log Cabin Republicans are a group in the republican party who identify themselves as both gay and republican.  Now this being America, anyone is entitled to believe what they want, live how they want, support whatever political platform which suits them. Many have served, fought, and died to ensure this right. I would never deny anyone their rights.  Much the same as I would not want anyone to deny mine as well.  now before I was fully out of the closet, I most often voted republican, and publicly supported the party platform.  However, since those days, the republican platform has moved so much farther to the right, I would not be able to support even if I were still of the mentality I was in the closet.

That being said, I would like to ask, and offer a possible answer as to, how can a gay person actively support a political platform, an ideology that denies his or her rights? That makes one a second class citizen,  a scapegoat if you will?   First, its the choice of the person, for whatever reason. I would like to suggest for some money plays a big role.  Their platform of lower taxes,  fewer regulations on those who make millions of dollars; far outweighs the negative impact of their social agenda on the gay community. On other groups such a equal pay for women, workers rights, consumer rights and protections.

Although I generally vote for the person and not party, increasingly I find myself voting party lines due to the rigidity of the far right republican party.  This is why there is the kind of in civility,and severe gridlock we have in Congress. I hope and pray, our nation goes to the polls this election day and votes in people who will do what is right for the country as a whole and not just for their platform or ideology.

Cooking With Gas!

Having never lived anywhere with gas for heat or cooking, this apartment is a new experience for me. We have a gas stove that is old.  It has two settings, high and off LOL.  To regulate the heat, I have to remove the pan and watch to make sure the flame does not go out.  The other day, I was cooking some meat and the flame went out on me twice, so I set it slightly higher. The pan got very hot, and when I flipped the meat over, there was so much smoke it set the fire alarm off!  I turned the flame off and had to open the windows, the door  ect along with having the range top fan on full. I ended up finishing the meat in the microwave.  In the future I will use my George Foreman Grill. Thus far, I have not used the oven and want do some baking as the Holidays approach. Plus I prefer baked chicken, fish and meats as opposed to fried.  So I'm going to try my hand at the oven.  I told my roommate this, he chuckled and just don't blow the place up! haha! So in the next few days I'm gonna attempt to bake some chicken in the oven. I found a lamb shank steak I want to roast, but don't want that to my first attempt at using the oven. It will be sometime soon though, using my mother's recipe and making the gravy.  I did this for Christmas last year and it turned out very well, the gravy reminded me of what my mother used to make! Imagine that, and I cooked it!  I hope I can do that again. 

Wish me luck!

 

Monday Medley: Mellow Mood

For me today is a thank God its Monday day! LOL. I'm tired, I worked three nights in a row on call and had calls two of those nights.  Plus two eight plus hour rather hectic day shifts.  Sometimes the pager is unrelenting, and I run from situation to crisis and back again.   I can't say my work is "fun" but its rarely boring.  Except for many hours  on call waiting for the pager to sound off. I sometimes think about doing something different, that gives me more of a life outside work, something that when I say what I do, does not turn other gay men off.  but what?   My work can be incredibly satisfying. Though, I have to say, I wish I had this past weekend off to focus on my self care after the news Friday night of my aunt's death. Shortly after hearing the news, I had to answer a page to a crisis.  It was hard for me, looking back, I should have called the Admin on call for help.  Same thing with my two back to back 24 hour shifts. you would think that by now I would have learned to say help and no!  Just glad its behind me now.

Anyway, today is a day to enjoy, relax, it's sunny, cool-ish.  A day relax, do something fun.  if I only had a boyfriend to cuddle with!

In light of today's mood I have selected a long set of relaxing music. About 55 minutes worth, Hope you enjoy it let it wash over you.

 http://youtu.be/QvsW-BmFAE8I

In Memoriam

Tonight I had a phone call, my Aunt Denyse passed away this afternoon. She was 87, 10 years younger than my mother.  For her it was sudden and quick, for us it is sad. Though she lived a good life, was active till the very end.  Its the end of an era for my family.  Though I was not close to my Aunt, she was the one of my Mother's siblings I related with the best. For the most part, I have good memories of her.

This has been a difficult year so far, for a number of reasons. The thought went through my mind what else is going to happen? In my heart I know whatever tomorrow brings I am not alone, I have those around me who care, and I have faith that I know the one who holds tomorrow.  as my mother would say, "we must soldier on." 

That is what I will endeavor to do...soldier on.

                                                                 Denyse Morrow
                                                                    1925-2012
                                                                              

  

A Victory For Same Sex Marriage

When victories occur for the gay community its nice to pause and consider the implications.  I am referring to the NY Court decision declaring DOMA unconstitutional.  The difference with this decision is the fact that a federal judge appointed years ago by a conservative President, wrote basically the gay community has been and is being discriminated against.  That this law discriminates against a segment of american society which has rights under the constitution.  This is significant to for those of us who have the hope of one day being able to legally marry in this nation.
 
Will I see the day when same sex marriage is not rejected?  I don't know, but I have a glimmer of hope. Of course if I ever find one I want to marry, we could go to a state, or nation where our marriage is accepted. 
Sign me hopeful but realistic.

Monday Medley:Chris Brown

Today I have selected two songs by Chris Brown that I like the beat and music.  Forever,  has been used as a wedding march, the first time I heard this song was in a club. the second Yeah x 3, I like the beat, and the music hope you enjoy them.  Have a great Monday!



http://youtu.be/5sMKX22BHeE

http://youtu.be/3mC2ixOAivA

Come out Come Out Where ever You Are!!

In honor of National Coming out Day, Won't you take the bold freeing step out and be yourself?  Know YOUR truth...Claim your Voice!

At least acknowledge it to yourself for yourself that is a first step.  John 8:32 "You shall know the TRUTH and the truth shall set you FREE" 

Choose wisely who you acknowledge this too. Not everyone will be accepting. Those who truly love you will accept you.

The most important thing is to be YOU. be comfortable in your own skin, find peace. 

I found peace when I accepted me the way God made me!

Open that door let the light shine in.

A link to It Gets better . org

http://www.itgetsbetter.org/video/

Hate Mail...Really?

From the beginning of my very first blog post I knew I might draw negative comments from time to time.  Which I have, and I do not post those unless it adds something to think about. Its one thing to disagree, express your opinion, but totally another to be disagreeable and express hatred.  Those kinds of comments are always deleted, never posted. Especially when its from an anonymous source!  If your going to leave a hateful comment at least have the guts (I really wanna say balls) to own your words.   Sometimes its an email, I do not respond to these as there is no room for dialogue. It would accomplish nothing. 

The series of posts on relationships I just completed, has elicited a few responses mostly positive emails, but a couple of negative and down right hateful comments. Now I welcome all comments, I enjoy the dialogue with people.  Sometimes I hear a viewpoint that helps me greatly or at least gives me something to think about.   I draw the line at hate mail, I will not listen to or dignify with a response someone calling me or people who might read this blog names, and telling me I am cursed. Or that I need to repent, and receive healing, seek "re-parative therapy".    One asked how someone like me can do the work I do without bringing condemnation to everyone I meet. There is no room in my life for hate. These from folk who call themselves christian. I won't judge you as you have judged me. God is our judge, and I resist the urge to preach at you through this blog, but I ask you how is that bearing fruit for the Lord and making a difference in a life? How is that edifying? The Scripture says "you shall know them by their LOVE"

My relationship posts talk about love, its often a thread of commonality that runs through the kinds of relationships I spoke about.  Love is created by God, God is love, not hate.

Well enough said about this, I could write more but I will save that for my journal.  I like my posts to be about positive things or at least how I'm dealing with negative aspects of this life.

Again I welcome your comments and emails, I enjoy the dialogue.  If you have some positive insight or a question please submit a comment or email.
 

Monday Medley Dutty Love love say it

A Good Monday, today is Columbus Day, a holiday in many parts of the country.  I just finished a crazy shift. Sixteen hours of actual in house coverage and thirty-two hours of on call coverage.  Last night I was called 5 times, very little sleep.  I hope they change this weekend schedule!  Its ok at the smaller Hospitals but the place I was covering is ALWAYS very busy.

October is one of my favorite months, we are getting into the fall season, church bazaars are getting into full swing, its the time of year I enjoy antiquing the most.  However, this month is also my mother's birthday. The first since her death in January, so its a very poignant time for me.  I have a lot of thoughts and emotions swirling around which makes me more sensitive, and perhaps vulnerable.  I noted it last night in my work, I do not like feeling so raw emotionally myself in the midst of others crisis.  I feel I lacked the appropriate distance, to be the non anxious presence in the midst of their crisis.  There must be balance?

Today I want to share two songs, rather different, talking about different kinds of love. Just my feeling today.  I am finding how music helps get the feelings out, whether its sadness, anger, or whatever.  The beat, and  and words seem to help.     Hope you enjoy them..One of these songs is a repeat from a few months ago.  Just where I am today. ..

http://youtu.be/6giXgG6qQzo

http://youtu.be/xWCcW3A08Vc

That Relationship Thing: The Wrap Up

Well here we come to the wrap up of my series of thoughts on relationships for a gay man.  This of course has been from my perspective and a bit of my experience. However limited that maybe. My hope from the very beginning of my coming out saga, has been to find one man to love and who would love me. As with anything in life, it is so much more complicated than that!  I have found my ideology gets in the way often times.  In a "perfect" world it would be the way my religious background  says it should be.  Of course according to my religious background's "perfect" world homosexuality would not exist.  We know that is not real!  This is why I refer to myself as a recovering Baptist! 

Let me separate ideology from reality right here.  I am a person of faith, it was my faith which helped me "get real" and come out. I distinguish this from the religiosity that kept me afraid and in the closet for the first 35 years of my life.  If you wonder what I mean by this, please feel free to search this blog and find my posts on coming out, faith, and theology of coming out.  The issue at hand is how do I move forward?  Where do I go from here?

The answer is simple, taking a step at a time, one day at a time.  See where these steps lead.  I have to believe what Jeremiah 29:11 states.  God has a plan, its up to me to seek and find the way.  Thus far it has been an incredible and exciting journey.  Taking this journey has brought some special people into my life.  I have loved and lost, and loved again, loved differently. On this journey I have discovered a few close friends for whom I am grateful. I am still searching, will continue.  One of my friends has said, he thinks he will always be looking for something better or different. I think the reality its not always better on the other side of the next zipper. It can often lead to pain.  That is why there are varying degrees of relating, varying kinds of long term relationships which were mentioned in  the early posts of this series.  I think its a coping mechanism, the thread again is love.  There is a follower of this blog who has a husband he loves and is committed to, he is not one who seeks gratification outside his relationship, because of love for his husband.  That is special, that is true love and commitment it does exist in gay relationships.  Someone else I talk with  says that kind commitment is rare.  I'm not so sure about that, we just don't hear much about them. or am I not being realistic again?

For me I will keep on trying and hope for the best.  There is someone out there, one I will meet or perhaps I already have met or know him? Thanks for reading, thanks for commenting, thanks for well wishes and praying!

Staying on my Rainbow Fish Journey

Monday Medley: In The Light & Ocean Floor, fighter

A good Monday to you! Its an overcast, cool-ish day in my part of the world today.  Work and more work seems to be the order of the day.  I have my evaluation today, always an ordeal with particular organization and director.  I will get through it.  I remind myself, God is in control he is my provider and no one else.

Today we have a medley of three songs, two are a repeat from earlier medleys, today they just seem to go together for me.  Guess my mood today after three days of giving care and another night of work tonight ahead of me.  Sometimes my work brings significant meaning to those with whom I see which is meaningful for me, other times its seems like why am I here? Sometimes like at 0200 this morning, I'm just there to document I was there. I'd would rather have stayed home asleep, or watching TV with my roommate.  However, this is provision for my life, and the work I am able to do at this point in my life, so duty calls!

Hope you enjoy these.


http://youtu.be/17czYG1Fdog

http://youtu.be/DFeHik5lBBw

http://youtu.be/bxV-OOIamyk

A Sunday Note

Just wanted to post a note that I have not forgotten my relationship wrap up post.  Writing and editing this particular post has been slow going due to schedule and trying to say what I want the way it should be stated. 

Tomorrow I will post a Monday Medley, and continue work on the wrap up.  Here it is already the end of September, how time is passing quickly. Soon fall activities and holidays will be in full swing.  I am not prepared for it this year.

Please keep following.  Thanks

Monday Medley on Tuesday: Let it Rain Over Me

This past weekend was a marathon.  Then I had three calls on Sunday night, and had a meeting on Monday.  Needless to say I was one tired person; But I had a very pleasant afternoon and evening Monday.

Music is fun, I listen to a wide range of music depending on my mood.  I used to listen to only the christian stations.  That has changed, now as my life has opened to a wide range of people, experiences, and situations, so has my taste in music. with the exception of country, still don't like country.


I am still working on my final post for That Relationship Thing, so keep looking for that in the next day or so.

http://youtu.be/SmM0653YvXU

I think Mark Anthony is cute

That Relationship Thing: A Boyfriend

In continuing my writing on relationships, I would like to share a success.  Several years ago I had a lunch date with a guy that turned into a relationship which lasted a little over a year.  Until it was time for him to return to his native country to continue his career and care for his parents.

We both knew in the back of our minds that day would come, but it did not stop us from enjoying the time we had together. This also made it easier when time came for him to leave. It was not a live in life partner type of arrangement, rather we saw other as often as possible.  At times during that year it was on again off again, but some how we always ended up together. Our relationship solidified for me my peace and satisfaction with my sexuality.  This was possible, it was was a good thing, I was happy.  There was love in our relationship, that I had not experienced before. 

He was in his 20's, I in my 40's, age and race are not issues for me.as long as one is of age and  old enough to know who they are or well on the way to that place, and know what the they want. Yet he was very mature for his age, and could hold an intelligent conversation on issues from geopolitical situations, cultural events, investing, to spiritual issues.  He was in this country on a work visa to complete a year long management residency.   He was so open about everything, I often had to warn him about being too out with his coworkers, neighbors. One time we were out to eat and ran into one of his bosses, he introduced me as his boyfriend.   He finally learned the lesson the hard way, fortunately he was not hurt in the process. 

Often I had to explain things to him with regards to our laws, and our culture.  One time he received a letter from the DMV, and thought they were going to take his car away.  I explained about paying his taxes, and renewing his car registration. He also helped me see a lighter side of life, and my sexuality.  Its no surprise I often take myself, and the issues I have too seriously.

Experiencing a relationship helped me know that is what I want to have in my life again.  It is what I hope for in the long term.  Someone special to me, for me.  Someone in my corner, who knows me well. 

The day came it was time for him to leave, it was a sad, bittersweet moment.  I still hear from him from time to time via email.

Next Wrapping it all up.






 

Today is My Birthday

Well another birthday is here! Wow!  I was reflecting on my life this morning, and how far I have come.  All I can say is, I am thankful. 

Jeremiah 29:11 is my word for today:

 "I know the plans I have for you says the Lord, Plans not for calamity, but for your welfare.  To give you a future and a HOPE"

A Hope! 

I honestly do not know how to celebrate this year.  Its bitter sweet without my mother.  This evening I have two meetings at the Hospital so a nice dinner somewhere is not possible.  Maybe a lunch.  I may wait until Saturday to fix my favorite meal or go out to eat. 

That Relationship Thing: This is Dating?

Dating is like a bag of mixed nuts, you reach in and grab one and never know what your going to get.   I have dated some over the past few years, and met some very interesting and very nice guys.  A few crazies, some gay men are worse than a menstruating woman, sorry ladies.

Most of the time a "date" for me starts from an email or chat online and moves to a face to face meeting at a place where food is served. Some of these dates end there, with no further conversation. Either I'm not what he his looking for, or expecting or he is not for me.  Although I am always open to friendship and conversation. Others continue with more chatting, texting, calling and maybe another date. In the interest of keeping it real, hook ups happen, one is only human.  Rarely do I meet someone in public and end up asking or being asked on a date.  Especially with the work I do, it just does not happen. I would like to share here a few dating experiences that stick out in my mind.

Once when I was living in another part of the state, I had a series of conversations with a guy on the phone that I thought were leading up to a date. Until he brought up the subject of religion, he was a church goer, but struggled with his sexuality and faith. I did not tell him about my work, I was saving that until I knew him better. All I said was I had the same struggle which at that time I did.  He went off and told me I would have to choose between him and my faith. Say What??? Where did that come from???  I told him I could not, nor should I have to do that and he angrily hung up on me. Chalk that one up to experience.

Another guy I talked with on the phone for a few weeks, we had a few serious conversations about life and what we were looking for. We met once for lunch and I was hopeful, until he started acting like we were a couple after one lunch together.  He became possessive calling me wanting to know where I was, who I was with, and so on. That was a turn off, what if we became a couple? What would that be like? I told him how I felt about his questioning andthat i did not think it would work out.  So that was the end of that and I was relieved!  There have been a number of dates that have led to continued friendships. But so far not to the love of my life, my life partner.

There is a good friend in my life that I met this way. It started as an email chat.  Actually I initiated the chat because I liked what I read in his profile.  He was looking for friendship and a relationship, had some witty saying and sounded attractive to me.  That email started a chat that led to texts and phone conversations.  Which in turn led to a meeting at a local Barnes and Noble Cafe.  He told me about a year later, that had I not called him an hour before our meeting to verify it, he was not going to show up.  Well he did show up, and we talked for four and half to five hours.  It did not seem like five hours at all to me, but we closed the store. As they say the rest is history. Today he is one of my closest friends.  A few months ago he called me and we got to talking, and kept on talking.  I fixed my soup and sandwich, he fixed his fish, and we ate "together" over the phone.  That conversation lasted three hours.  Again it did not seem like three hours to me, it flew by.  There is no one else I talk to like that and I am thankful for his friendship. 

There was a date I had a few years ago that led to a relationship.  Next post titled A Boyfriend!