Being There!

Today I sit here struggling to blog this, but I must. I must get this out of me. Part of the ministry of a chaplain as with anyone who does pastoral care is the ministry of presence. Being there, being the nonanxious presence in the midst of folks crisies and situations. Immediately we think of being present when a patient is dying. I have quite a bit of expereince with death, some of my most significant minstry expereinces have been at the bedside of a dying patient and his or her family. There is a particular type of death that seems to push my buttons everytime it happens. I have had a quite a few of these over the years as well. That is the death of an infant, or a preamie. Now that may stop some of you right there from continuing to read this post. Thats fine, I still need to write this. The reason being in my residency I had several of these deaths in a row over a period of just a few weeks. I wrote about that then and it helped. I may add the letter I wrote to this blog.

It was a little after midnight this morning when the pager sounded. It was the ER, the secretary was informing me a patient had just delivered a 9 week fetus. Oh God No! I thought as I rushed to the bedside. As I stood by the family who was grieving and began to speak with them and listen to them, I went to my God talk, we began to unpack and defuse their feelings. its still very early in their grief process. I try to just allow them to be where they are. The doctor came in, he used the term "tissue" to describe the couples baby. TISSUE I thought? You are talking about a human being! the begining of life! I thought. I realize that as a medical person he is going to his clinical talk to deal the the situation. I know this doctor he has feelings and will need to defuse later himself. He is getting through it too, as is the nurse and everybody else.

I listen to the patient, family, the nurse and Doctor as we debrief. now I can go back and take care of my paperwork. Ok who debriefs the chaplain? I talk about it in report but its not quite enough. Today I have anger, I am angry at myself, angry at the traffic, angry at my best friend, angry at the world. I am angry at God...gasp I am angry at God! The Bible tells us to be angry yet do not sin do not let the sun go down on your anger. I prayed and acknowledge to my Lord my anger. It helps. So I ask myself what about these deaths touch me so? The answer is easy for me...but for the grace of God there go I. why am I still here o God? I was an underweight baby at birth. According to the doctor's at the time I should not have lived. I still am here. These babies are not. Why? that is my hot button issue. Perhaps its what helps me to be present with these parents? Several years ago I wrote a letter to the Babies who died. I shared it in my peer group, it has been published in two newspapers. I share it here now.

Dear Babies:
When I first saw you, you were so tiny, so helpless, and so innocent. You had your whole life ahead of you. If only you had been born healthy, born alive, or did not have some terrible thing happen to you. Your parents were so shocked, perplexed, crushed, distraught, angry and guilty at losing you. To them you were and continue to be precious. A few of you were lost at the hand of one who should have cared for you. How horrendous! I talked with the doctors and nurses who did all they could to save you. They poured their heart, their knowledge, their skill to give you life, to help you keep life. Nevertheless it did not work…you died. I know this because I was there. I am not the doctor or the nurse, I am the chaplain. For a few of you I was there when you came into this world; for all of you I was there when you left. I was there with your parents, helpless to do anything for you. I was there helpless to say anything to help ease their pain. There was nothing to say. I held them as they held you, I prayed with them as they cried over you…I cried also. I wish there was something I could do or say to heal their pain …there was not. For one I gave communion to your mother and grandmother as they renewed fellowship with God, a Holy moment. For another I baptized you as your parents named you, a Sacred moment. For still another, I held the door as the police hauled away one who should have protected you but instead hurt you, an angry moment. I pray for the strength and power that comes from the King of Kings and Lord of Lords. Not by might nor by power, but by my Spirit says the Lord of hosts. I pray my presence made a difference, that I helped shepherd your families through this tough moment in their lives. I pray they are able to incorporate their grief in life. That they be able to live laugh, and love again. Rest assured they will never forget you; they will always love you. I will remember also, I will remember what you taught me… how to be there.
Chaplain Frank

How wonderful are your works O 'Lord, how vast are the sum of them? You know my thought from afar, you know a word on my tounge before it is formed. you wove me in my mothers womb, you knew my days before there was one of them. Ps. 139. God is in control that is why.
This is how this chaplain debriefs. if you read all of that thank you. bless you. MAY GOD CONTINUE TO BLESS THESE FAMILIES.