Ministry with a Twist

Recently I was at work going over the list of patient's in the facility.  I saw a familiar name and wondered. so I went to the room to visit and it was who I thought it was.  We had a good conversation, this patient is someone who has known me since I was a teenager in the church I was part of from the time my family moved to Hampton Roads. He got better and went home, this week he was back in the Hospital at the end stage of a cancer diagnosis.  He chose to go home with hospice.

Part of the purpose of this blog is for me to reflect on things that impact me.  Mostly about being gay and such.  However, today my thoughts are with this gentleman and his family.  Now there is a twist, often times events at work effect me in different ways, but usually there is a certain distance. This time there is no distance, this is someone with whom I have Worshipped, had many a church dinner with, I have been in his home, his children and I are the same age group, and went to school, youth group and Sunday school together.  This is different.  Yet it is also not different in the way I respond but I gives me sadness on a different level.  He told his children he worked to teach them how to live and have faith.  Now he said he wants to teach them how to die with faith.  They are in my prayers.

IT HAS BEEN ONE OF THOSE WEEKS...SAY THE WORDS DC TALK

Back in the early days of Chaplaincy work, when I had a hard day or night in the Hospital, I often would put this song on in the car on the way home and I would crank it up.  Some how it got out of me what I was feeling or thinking.  I can't explain it, it just helps me. (I have written about this before)  Especially when a family member says "I wish I could tell him/her I love him/her.

A week ago today, there was a multiple shooting in the area.  Two of the victims were police officers responding to help.  One of them died as a result of his wounds. One victim killed, was a 17 year old just driving down the street.

I was at the Hospital with the family and officers there, when the news of his death was reported to them. All I can say here is the entire experience from the Trauma bay to the OR area was intense.  Perhaps the most intense I have experienced in this ministry, at least in a while.

It has impacted me all week, one problem was the fact I had very little down time afterwards.  I was on call with other calls afterward, and worked straight through to Tuesday.   I would make visits and answer calls, but afterward, be exhausted.

Crisis and situations though not mine, still has effects, physical, spiritual, and emotional.  Its been tough, but its better now and will be better even tomorrow.  Good self care is key to good health for a helping professional.

October 29, 1897

I was reminded this morning when I looked at the calendar, that today would have been my father's 116th birthday.  He died in 1976, for many reasons, this is the first time I have paused to remember this day in sometime.  Usually busy and it dawns on me after the fact.

Sometime in the future, I want to have a garden bed or corner of a patio for a memorial garden of plants that remind me of and can honor my grandparents and parents, perhaps something to honor those patients I remember who have died.  Roses, Iris, azalea, other plants, anchored by a dogwood would be nice.

Today I pause to honor my father.

In Memoriam of 9/11/2001

Twelve years ago today our world changed dramatically.  Many lives were lost, those left behind had their lives shattered.  The loss of husbands, fathers, sons, daughters, wives, friends.  Today, Patriots Day, pause to reflect, remember, pray.

 

Sounding Off

The tragic events of the week are on my mind this morning. As I watched the search and arrest unfold on TV last night, I had enough.  I turned to Netflix and watched something else. The loss of life and limb is so senseless, but  it always is. 

One of the reports talked about the perpetrators posts on Social media. Looking for what caused them to be radicalized and carry out terror.  A comment by one of the brothers  was reported, he apparently said he had enough of this country.  If so my response to that... this is the USA, its a free country.  He was free to leave and go somewhere else.  If indeed he did not like it here,  he was free to go where he would like it. However, I know its not that simple.  At least the one at large suspect is now in custody. 

The tragedy in Texas, all I can say is I pray for the families and all those effected by the plant explosion.  I hope the investigation will help present something similar in the future.

Two tragedies that effected two entire communities this week.  

 

Last Night at Work: A Second Monday Post

Over my career, I have been appreciated, encouraged, rejected, cussed out, threatened,  and even spit at.  Fortunately the cussing, threatening, and spitting are far and few between. When one works with folk who are at their worst, in a crisis, their most irrational moment, it will happen.  It's bound to happen.

Last night was one of those nights, I was called for a death.  One of the family members was completely out of control.  He had others in his family trying to help, and some wanting him to just leave.  He was inconsolable, completely irrational and of course whatever substances he had on board did not help his situation. For the first time in quite sometime, I was threatened by him when we tried to get him to calm down.  He singled me out from the other staff, one because I was the only man, second, I was viewed as the authority figure.  The doctor quickly left the situation, because he could, and he had other patient's. One of the nurses got security involved which was a very good thing.  I was glad because of the look in this guys eyes, I felt back up would be needed.

It took two security officers, his brother and other family members to "help" him leave.  The thing is he took all the attention away from other family members from being able to grieve and have time they needed. I stayed much longer than usual to be there for the staff who needed to talk and they did. Plus there were a few of the patient's family who remained.  It was an exhausting night.

The Morning After Halloween

My Halloween was uneventful, nothing exciting happened about it at all. I was not home during the trick or treating hours, nor was my roommate, so I don't know if anyone attempted to knock on our door. No lights should have indicated not to, but you never know.  Today and tomorrow are known as All Saints and All Souls day in the Christian calendar.  Observed primarily by Catholic and Anglican churches, these days have grown to be observed by many in Protestant churches as well. 

These two days All Saints is known as a feast to remember those who attained "Sainthood" though many protestant churches recognize any Baptized believer as a saint.  All Souls is to remember anyone who died.  Now this is not meant to be an authoritative definition but just my understanding, and serves to help make my point today. These two days are set aside as a special time to remember those we love who have died.  Some churches do this at different times during the year, some have blue Christmas service to help folk cope with grief through the Holidays. My individual  church does this as part of the annual Memorial day service where a rose is placed on the alter by a family member of a deceased member. In addition to giving tribute to those who died serving our country. 

This year it seems, has been one loss after another for me and my family. I don't recall a time in my life when I have experienced loss in scope or frequency as I have this year. Each loss seems to magnify the other. One part of grief is the recognition that love does not end when the person loved is gone.  The Bible confirms this in I Corinthians 13:13, "Now faith, hope, love abide, but the greatest of these is love" some translations have is as love abides forever. Love changes over time I think, for instance I have a friend for whom I had romantic feelings in the past that he did not have for me.  There was a grief but I still wanted him in my life as my friend, I still love him but differently.  The love I have for him now is returned by him. 

In the same way, my love for my mother is still there but different now.  There is a sadness attached a bitter sweetness. I wonder how that will change as time passes? I look forward to the days ahead, as my grief heals and changes to the new normal I have read about and share with others who grieve.

Thanks for reading.