For now I want to jump ahead in time. Last summer I had the idea of visiting a gay bar or two. You have to understand coming from my background, I did not drink or dance or go to places where there was drinking and dancing. Now I never thought there was anything wrong with dancing, but the image I thought I had to uphold was not to be seen in this context. I have come to believe there is nothing wrong with a drink now in then either. Just so long as the Holy Spirit controls me and not the drink.
Going to any bar much less a gay bar was so out there for me. There are about seven or eight gay bars in the area. some small others large. I decided I would go early and eat a meal at this one bar. I went about 6 on a Saturday...well all I did was drive through the parking lot. Several months went by and I spoke to a friend of mine about my thought of going to a bar. He laughed and then told me the best place for me would be this one which happened to be close to home. He said I would be "safe" there, the owner and staff look out for the patrons, plus we both happen to know the owner. We went to school with him! Small world.
Well same story I would try and just drive by the place, then I drove in the lot and parked, but ended up leaving. This went on for sometime. It became a big deal, I prayed about it and felt I needed to overcome this fear. We know where this kind of fear comes from. Well early this year I was determined to go, so one Saturday night I went out about 9, drove into the parking lot and parked, there were a lot of cars! This time I got out of my car, and walked to the door. I could hear the thump a thump a of the music. As I stood looking at the door trying to get the courage to walk in... The door swings open and a group of people come out and hold the door for me. So I guess I am going in.
Once in the bar I figure out where the drinks are ordered. I drank a soda. I sat at the bar for about an hour or so just taking it all in. People watching. what an experience! I decided I am going back. Since then I visited several of the bars, one I was not comfortable in at all and only stayed there a few minutes. The other I go to once in a while. But this one, the first one I visited has become a regular Friday night hang-out for me. I am comfortable there, welcomed, even known and its ok. Its nice being in the company of other GLBT folk. Its a place that serves good food as well. In this bar I experienced my first beer. My first dance, my first time singing in front of people not in church.
This place I go to sometimes twice a week, its fun! Its a part of my coming out journey.
Counterprogramming for a Dreary Day
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2 comments:
Hehe, I remember the first gay bar I went into. I made 3 friends come along so I didn't feel a fool. The first one was so loud you could hardly hear yourself think. We stayed a short while and played some pool. A cute guy playing pool decided to tag along with us the the next bar when we left. The next bar had are long bar where people sat and chatted with some backgound music which you could hear over. They also had a showroom for the drag shows andd if you went upstairs they had another long bar and opposite that a hugh dance floor. This is the bar I go to now when I go out. But mostly we have small dinner parties and invite different friends over.
I can so identify with your first gay bar experience. I had never been to a bar much less a GAY bar. The first time I went with a friend of mine, whom I am now dating on a regular basis. I was so scared. I got to see my first drag show...had my first drink. I did not dance that time but have since then. I enjoy going every now and then just to be around other people who are the same as me.
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