Valentines Day 2014

Big historic news in Virginia for same Sex Marriage.  A Federal judge has declared Virginia's ban on same sex marriage unconstitutional!  Now of course there will be an appeal so any actual changes will be a long time coming if it ever comes.  Still its a victory! 

Happy Valentines Day to all, but I say Bah Humbug!  Guess because I don't have a Valentine.  If you do enjoy the fruit of the day!

Thursday Thoughts: Gay in the News

Happy day after Christmas!  Some headlines in the news concerning the gay community have been talked about in the days leading up to Christmas.  I chose to wait until now to comment.  I will call this the Good, the Bad, the Ugly.  I will start with the ugly so I end todays posting on a positive note.

The ugly:  Last week Rev. Frank Schaefer, a United Methodist Pastor, was defrocked by the Pennsylvania UMC Conference court or officiating at the same sex wedding of his son.  The United Methodist Book of Discipline prohibits this.  They are following the letter of their denomination's  law, not the law of love in my opinion.  Of course its a theological issue, the UMC is a denomination that has an official position that say Homosexuality is not compatible with Scripture. So its no surprise to me, however it is a disappointment.  My heart goes out to Rev. Schaefer and what this means for him. I understand he immediately appealed, which is good.  In my view, once called always called, once ordained, always ordained.  He can take his Master of Divinity to the United Church of Christ, or  Disciples of Christ.  I am sure they would welcome him.  So much for Open Hearts, Open Doors!


The Bad:  In Virginia, the state department of taxation will not follow IRS rules allowing same sex married couples from filing jointly.  This is no surprise since they consulted the outgoing Republican Attorney General.  There is hope when the democratic leadership takes office in January.

What is Duck Dynasty?  I hear it is the most popular reality show in TV?  I have never heard of it! Well the individual who is head of the TV reality family made anti gay and racist remarks. He was suspended and the backlash over his suspension does not surprise me.  Who cares?  I don't, I never watch the show.  Sounds idiotic.

For the Good:  President Obama is including openly gay athletes like Brian Boitano, who recently came out, in the United States delegation to the Winter Olympics in Russia, which has anti gay laws. This is a victory for the gay community as well as Mr. Boitano, who is now out and will lead the delegation.

We will end 2013, with now 14 state recognizing legalized same sex unions or marriages.  Plus the fact that a federal judge has struck down a law in Utah banning same sex marriage.  There is a law suit moving forward in Virginia concerning the states ban on same sex marriage. 

We also will end the year with more countries legalizing Same Sex marriage.  Including the United Kingdom and France! 

What will 2014 hold for Gay in the News?  We shall see. 
 

LOVE ALWAYS WINS

True Love knows no boundaries.  Love does not fail, life ends but love goes on. Sometimes we do unloving things, perhaps on the spur of the moment. Still love is there, be it Agape, Phileo, Eros,

 I believe love will always win in the end. 

1 Corinthians 13

New American Standard Bible (NASB)

The Excellence of Love

13 If I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, but do not have love, I have become a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. ² If I have the gift of prophecy, and know all mysteries and all knowledge; and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. ³ And if I give all my possessions to feed the poor, and if I surrender my body ^[a]to be burned, but do not have love, it profits me nothing.

⁴ Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant, ⁵ does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered, ⁶ does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; ^7 [b]bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
⁸ Love never fails; but if there are gifts of ^[c]prophecy, they will be done away; if there are tongues, they will cease; if there is knowledge, it will be done away. ⁹ For we know in part and we prophesy in part; ¹⁰ but when the perfect comes, the partial will be done away. ¹¹ When I was a child, I used to speak like a child, think like a child, reason like a child; when I ^[d]became a man, I did away with childish things. ¹² For now we see in a mirror ^[e]dimly, but then face to face; now I know in part, but then I will know fully just as I also have been fully known. ¹³ But now faith, hope, love, abide these three; but the ^[f]greatest of these is love.

To LOVE "Tis A Fearful Thing

 

 

 

'Tis A Fearful Thing

'Tis a fearful thing

To love

What death can touch.

To love, to hope, to dream,

And oh, to lose.

A thing for fools, this,

Love,

But a holy thing,

To love what death can touch.

For your life has lived in me;

Your laugh once lifted me;

Your word was a gift to me.

To remember this brings painful joy.

‘Tis a human thing, love,

A holy thing,

To love

What death can touch.

(To love is a precious thing FF2013)

Judah Halevi, 11th C., Spain

Poet, Philosopher, Physician 

 

A Call One Night

One evening I was called to the Emergency Room at one of the Hospitals I serve.  It was for a patient who was involved in what is called Intimate Partner Violence. (IVP) This patient was very emotional, and would not talk about his experience, including cooperating with the Police.   They thought the Chaplain could help him calm down and bring comfort.  Instead, the thought of the Chaplain's presence made him nervous. I almost did not speak with him because of his nervousness.   That is until he actually met  me and we started talking, I was able to put him at ease. 

He said he was afraid the Chaplain would judge him and his lifestyle as a gay man.  Would lay the blame for his IVP situation on him. He said when he saw me and began to talk with me he felt I was different from his experience with "religious people"  HOW SAD that is. What a shame.   Instead of bringing comfort, the experience is judgment and hate.

At least there was a different experience for this patient. I'm thankful fro being enabled to be in the right place at the right time...a divine appointment?

Scoped Out

Yesterday I was in the grocery store, in a hurry as usual.  As I walked in I noticed three guys together shopping. One had some kind of bag on his shoulder, they were looking at fruit.  I was in a hurry so I walked on by to the back of the store to do my shopping.  Several times in the store I found myself where one or more of these guys was shopping.

On the last row, it was just the four of us in the isle, the first two of them turned and said hello to me.  That is when the one with the shoulder bag crossed my path made eye contact with me, winked and said nice! Of course I returned the complement, which was an honest return since he was a nice looking guy. 

Then once I was in the check out line, the guy left his buddies in the other line and joined me in my line. We made small talk, I wish now I had asked for his number or offered him mine. After all that kind of thing rarely happens to me! Oh well, lost opportunity.  Maybe I will run into him again?

All the same its nice to be noticed!



 

Saturday Thoughts

On call last night was uneventful, which can be good for the patients.  There are a lot of thoughts going through my mind today.  Rather eclectic. 

First, I am pleased with the Supreme Court rulings on Same Sex marriage.  That gives me some hope for the future.  Its nice to know there are some legislators who are embracing the rulings and making preparations for the future legislation in regards to this issue. Its a good thing.

On relationships, and friendships. No matter close or not, work related, or personal,  always seem to be complicated in some way. But nothing real in life worth anything is ever simple.  Especially where love is involved. And unrequited love is such a painful bitch! One of my prayers is not to experience this again in my life, but that is the risk one takes when opening up to another person.  It can be worth the risk.  I don't regret taking the risk either.   I still hope one day to find that special someone, if that person exists. If not well  I have friends in my life to whom I offer and give love no matter what. Who I could never turn my back on, who are worth the struggles of relating and  their love is returned. True friends in your life can be like family, the family you choose.

I read a quote today, "Friends can be lovers, but lovers are not always friends" there is truth in that.

Wow does that sound mushy or what?  

On a lighter note, my plans for starting classes are in motion, I have a meeting this next week with the Admissions Director to discuss the classes I plan to take this school year, and the financing, also possible aid sources.  I plan to take a class on campus the fall semester, I think that will give me a good start, the winter semester will be online.  That will save me the trouble of winter travel. 

My roommate and I will be moving to a new place in another part of town in about a month.  I hope this new place will be a better experience for us than where we are now.  Especially maintenance wise. The one thing I will miss about this complex, is the lake, trees, wildlife and peaceful setting.  But I won't miss the parking issues, water leaks, out of date appliances, and HVAC.  Unfortunately idiot neighbors are every where. 

Well I think that is enough thought letting for one post.
Happy Saturday!

 

A Song to Share: Same Love

Now this is a song to share. I was pleased to hear this song on the radio, and I looked it up,  So now I want to share it here. I like how this song makes the point for marriage equality.  Love,  does not know boundaries.  Love between a same sex couple is the same as love between a man and a woman. It should be recognized.

Same Love Macklemore and Ryan Lewis
http://youtu.be/g1TBgcctcco

As stated previously in this blog, same sex attraction is not a choice, its part of one's make up the same as heterosexuality is. Society has made it something it should never be, this has made some many hide it, hide from it. Hate toward the LGBT community happens constantly.

The religious community for a large part has played a role in promoting this hiding, and promoting hate toward the LGBT community as a whole. In my view, as a Christian minister, the Bible has been misused in the process of promoting hate and exclusion. As stated in the song if hate is preached, the Holy Water becomes poison.  That is a crime.

This is why some many walk away from "religion"  Some from God.

The love I experience is not cheap, its not wrong.  The love I experience is wonderful, beautiful, as special as that of any straight couple.

God gives love, God IS love, so by this definition love between two men, or two women is a God thing.

I Corinthians 13 The love chapter of the Bible includes

Love is kind, love is patient, love does not take into account a wrong suffered. . love never fails, Fath, Hope love, the greatest of these is LOVE.

 

Gay in the News

What a week or so of news for a world wide gay community!

 First France, legalized Same Sex Marriage nationwide, unfortunately the vocal minority took to the streets which led to violence.  That is sad  a major victory for marriage equality to be marred like that.

Second, for the first time we saw a pro sports player still playing come out of the closet.  What a big bold step for Jason Collins! I hope he will not be discriminated against in the coming season or in the promotional contracts he could have in the future.  I was struck by and could relate to  how relieved he said he was.  Just the opportunity not your mind, and spirit. to hide who you are, is a load off.  I have experienced that relief.  It is a  sweet relief and release. Way to Go!

Third, Rhode Island became another state to legalize Same Sex Unions, the difference here is without religious protections so that could present a problem in in the form of litigation in the future. Still the fact another state approved marriage equality brings the number of states to 10, plus the District of Columbia and three Native American Tribes.  Three states it was by popular vote!

 Then,  Jóhanna Sigurdardóttir, Iceland’s outgoing prime minister and the first openly LGBT person to head a national government, leaves a mixed legacy, with advances on gay rights but only partial success in addressing the nation’s economic problems.  Still she has made history, I hope her ground breaking position is not marred in history by her mixed results. Some thing's one just cannot help.

Lance Bass has said a member of the group One Direction is "probably gay". Well if which ever one he is referring to is or is not, its not up to him to "out" him.  I don't think that is right, its up to the individual to decide when or if to go public about his sexuality.  Its no one's business if whoever is or is not gay! So a thumbs down to Lance.

That's all I want to highlight for now, Happy Friday to all!

Gay In The News

Another State has legalized Same Sex Civil Unions!  Thank you Colorado! This brings the number of States with some form of legalized Same Sex Unions to eighteen. The forms of approved Same Sex Unions are marriage, Civil Unions, Domestic Partnerships.  Its nice to know progress is being made on this front.  Though my preference is marriage, any movement toward same sex marriage is a positive development. 

Starbucks CEO Howard Schultz has defended the company's support of same-sex marriage.
Mr. Schultz stated the decision to back marriage equality was not for economic reasons, but for "respecting diversity." a very good reason, I like companies who value diversity. 

Chik Fil A, an update according to various sources, the company no longer supports or lobbies against Marriage Equality.  I may reevaluate my avoiding this Chicken.

Here is a link to a Stephen Colbert comment piece on the challenge to DOMA.

http://www.colbertnation.com/the-colbert-report-videos/423360/january-30-2013/the-word---it-gets-worse

Happy Friday to All

So There Is A New Pope!

Though I am not Catholic,  I watched with interest for the selection of the new Pope. So now the selection has been made, Pope Francis is set to be officially installed next week. I like the name he selected for himself, Francis, obviously a nod to St Francis of Assisi.  I wonder what kind of leader he will turn out to be? How will the trappings of his office and power impact him as time goes by?  Well only time will tell.

He is the first Pope from this hemisphere! That is a good change, from Argentina, South America, I am told this area of the world has forty percent of the Catholics in the church.  I also understand the part of the world he is from holds to a liberation theology.  I wonder if or how that will carry over to his Papacy?    Again time will tell. 

Pope Francis is conservative, traditional which does not surprise me.  This means we will not see any movement on LGBT issues, female Priests, or other social issues. In Fact I read in Jeremy's blog,  My Side of the Street, his post  title New Pope Francis believes same-sex marriage and gay adoption are the Devil’s work, where the new Pope has made anti LGBT comments in the past.  I do not expect this to change.

So no surprise it will be the status quo. yet there maybe changes in other ways on other issues. As stated before only time will tell!

Self Acceptance or Self Hate.

There are a number blogs I follow, some publicly, a few privately. Usually, there is something in particular in the blog that draws me to keep checking and reading, sometimes commenting. A few I check and read daily.  There is one I read today which struck a chord in me, I want to highlight here. Its Rick Modien at This Gay Relationship.  He writes about his relationship with his husband of twenty plus years. In the post "Do The Work Now", he makes the point that until a gay person, comes to the place where he or she "learns to understand, accept, and love"  him or herself  how can  one accept and love that special someone?  Indeed this is true for anyone, straight or gay.

Rick has hit the nail on the head with this comment in his post. This is so important, somehow, some way there is a path to understanding and loving oneself as a gay person.  Otherwise, I think we can sabotage our relationships.   Self loathing only leads to self destructive behaviors, and destroys loving relationships

I recall when I finally came to the place where I found peace with my sexuality.  It was such a huge relief to me, I blogged about it here in a series of posts in 2008, then updated in 2010.  Yet the work continues. I don't think it is something that is ever complete, because I believe we evolve and grow.  Speaking for myself, I know its something I need to keep working on and growing.  For others it maybe something you need to grow through. 

The work is often not easy, otherwise it would not be called work!  How do you start?  One step at a time, one issue at a time find your path.    I encourage you as Rick says in his blog "do the work"

A Hip First Lady and Tuesday News Items

On Jimmy Fallon's show our First Lady promoted the Lets Move program by dancing with Mr. Fallon.  I thought it was great! We have a cool and hip First Lady.  Mrs. Obama does great work promoting healthy living.  Hope you enjoy!

http://youtu.be/U5qr4ThoeQM


A Celebration is in the works! I will be receiving a small promotion (big to me) at one of the Health Systems I work for. This is welcome news!  Benefits, Benefits, Benefits!  What a relief that will be!  what shall I do to celebrate? Praise God.

Master's degree, I am waiting to hear from the school I applied to for finishing my graduate degree.  I am praying for good news in this area. I look forward to study and finishing my degree at this school.

Gay in the News, according the Huffington Post, and the New York Times, 75 republicans have signed a brief going before the Supreme Court, stating  same Sex marriage is a "constitutional right"
That is worthy of mention.

Investing News,  Investors appear to be moving money from fixed assets to equity assets.  I am following that trend in my Roth account.  I have made a plan to purchase specific stock positions this year, no plans for fixed in come investments at this point, but that is subject to revision. The companies I am purchasing positions in are for long term hold, and all have a history of paying dividends. I consider myself not just a small investor but a minuscule investor. A key for me is flexibility and responding to but not being ruled by market conditions.  Following a plan being long. unless short term speculation is part of the plan.  

My 403B account at work, I currently have 75% in an equity fund, 25% in a fixed income fund. I am looking at changing the mix to 15% fixed income and start allocating10% to a broad basket commodity fund.  This is a risky move but limits the risk exposure to 10%.  So I am thinking of making some combination of change.

Happy Tuesday







 

The Great Backyard Bird Count Amoung Other Things

Yes its true, I'm a birder.  That means I like to notice the different birds around, I love awaking in the morning to hear birds singing. Now I'm no expert at identifying the birds, just appreciating them and noticing different and unusual bird around.  The Apartment complex where I live has a lake, and lots of trees, its part of what attracted me here. It also attracts many birds and other wildlife.  The past few weeks I have noticed new geese at the lake.  I mean different and unusual color geese.  Plus I heard then saw Robins.  Spring is on its way!


Why did I talk about birds?  Well this weekend the 15th to the 18th is the Great Backyard Bird Count the Audubon Society spearheads each year.  They encourage participants to count as many different birds wherever they are as they can and report the numbers on their website.  Those numbers are tallied and used for research.

Interested?  Here is a link to their site.   http://www.birdsource.org/gbbc/howto.html  It can be fun!

Gay in the News.  This past week, France's National Assembly passed a bill in favor of Same Sex Marriage. The news report stated they expect the bill to be passed along in their National Senate and by signed into law.  Wow, first Great Britain now France! I am glad.

Work can be hard sometimes, last night I was called to a trauma death.  A  young victim of a motorcycle accident.  I do not like motorcycles, if there is an accident the rider loses.  What a tragedy a waste.



 

Happy Valentines Day, Evening

Another Valentines Day, oh wonderful.  Today has been an uneventful day.  The Hospital where I served my overnight shift last night , decorated the cafeteria with white and red table cloths.  They served wonderful chocolate treats. 

I hope you had a great day and your Valentine did something special for you!

 

Gay in The News

Happy Friday! At least for those who are off the weekend.  I hope all those in the northeast can enjoy the snow without much trouble out of it...  Yeah right!  

There have been some gay issues mentioned in the news recently I want to highlight here. 

First, in Great Britain, Same Sex Marriage moved closer to approval! The bill passed 400 to 175, but has to pass the House of Lords where the fight continues.  The bill exempts the Church of England and other faith groups from being required to perform Same Sex union services so this is a Civil marriage bill. Legal marriage none the less.  A step forward, I pray it passes all the way to the PM's desk.

A stupid bill introduced in Tennessee" Don't Say Gay" would require teachers to report to parents any student  who confides they are gay. This law is meant to restrict sex education in schools.  Fortunately this bill is doomed. It keeps being reintroduced, so I hope it never passes.

The Boy Scouts, are at least discussing repealing their ban on gay members and leaders. I doubt it will lead real change. 

Lake County school District in Florida is considering cutting all student clubs in order to block the formation of a Gay Straight Alliance club at one of its middle schools.  The extreme measure taken to discriminate and perpetuate hate. Think of the positive impact a club like this could have on those involved. But I would think that way!

So we have the good, the bad and the just plain stupid  in the news

 

Thursday Thoughts

Today I am off. Not really doing much though, and its cold here, but not like other places though. 

DoMa so I understand that the Supreme Court is going to hear a case concerning the Defense of Marriage Act.  I am glad and hopeful for a result in favor of same sex unions.  In fact I am praying for a good result. 

Who is out? They say the percentage of the population that is LGBT is around three.  But that is the percentage of those who identify as LGBT.  Many more do not identify themselves publicly.  So you see that percentage is obviously much higher. 

It is my belief,  as acceptance of the LGBT community increases , those in our community will feel more comfortable  in being out.  At least in theory.  

Fiscal Cliff,  Just not seem to be going away! Our congress is not accomplishing much.  But they have not done much in awhile.  I hope soon!

The Plan,  This year I have developed plans for my giving, saving/investing, and spending.  Rather than a plain budget, I have broken it down to specific items to purchase, and savings/investing goals It pays to have a plan.

Seminary,  Application is completed, now waiting for the file to be completed. 

Finally Snow? They are calling for snow here tomorrow night. I am on call tomorrow night!  Please Lord NO!  I am afraid of ice. I will be praying for no snow, no ice, or no calls.





 

Go With The Gut Feeling!

Well I did not go with my gut feeling and I should have. Several Posts ago, I talked about a date I had. I said then I did not think he was the one.  So I thought I would try and be friends with him.  After spending sometime with him, I knew this would not work.  He was too nervous, afraid someone would "know" we are gay. Everything to be secretive, it seemed.  I continued to text and call, trying to be a friend.  Then every time a plan was made, for a lunch or dinner, it was cancelled for one reason or another. So I got the message.

Next time I will remember to listen to my gut, something I learned to do in my work, I have to remember this in the off hours.  As the saying goes...NEXT! .

It's A Date!

Last night I had a dinner date!  With a guy who responded to an ad I placed on Craigslist.  We had been exchanging emails, then texts and phone conversations.  We met at Ruby Tuesday for a nice meal and conversation.  I think it went well...so why am I not more enthusiastic? 

Well I had the feeling he was not that comfortable, in our conversation he revealed that he is a preachers kid. So I felt comfortable telling him what I do for my living.  He did not appear freaked out, which is a big positive.  We had talked about our hope of finding someone special to be in our lives.  So we decided to explore the possibilities. He is 35, and a bookkeeper, has an established life, never been married. His father Pastor's a church locally. Thing is he made the statement that he wants a boyfriend on the "DL", I understand not being out to his family in his situation, but I'm not sure I'm comfortable with the whole DL thing. I need to talk with him further about this.  He said he is not out, which I understand.

I guess my concern is, I spent so much of my life uncomfortable with my sexuality, that I'm not sure I want a relationship that reminds me of those days; Or puts me back in the closet in anyway.  Not that I want the world to know, its not their business any way.  My impression is he does not want me around, if anyone he knows is nearby.  I don't want to close the door on him, so I will be available to explore the possibilities, ask my questions and discuss the issues.

The Wrong Question to Ask!

Several days ago I made mentions of a problem with my planned application for graduate study.  Well here are the details...I found an online degree program that had everything I was looking for. it was affordable too. I even discovered my employer provides $2500 a year in tuition reimbursement for my job classification! So I was all set to apply, reading through the online application, I discovered a problem.  There are a series of questions, petty standard like have you been convicted of a felony, are you a citizen, then the question I just do not like or want to answer.  In fact I will not answer, and will not be applying to this school or other schools that ask this question.

The question;  Have you EVER engaged in Heterosexual misconduct or Homosexual behavior? i.e. engage in sex, going to gay clubs, gay chat rooms, talked about gay issues, basically are you a homosexual?  Say what??  Let that one sink in a minute....  and I thought don't ask don't tell was alive and well in the church.  Not the SBC.

Now it crossed my mind to answer the question with a NO.  However, that would be putting myself back in the closet, it would be a lie and counter productive.  Now I also thought about saying yes, but this also would be counter productive.  I am certain it would disqualify my admission and could get back to my home church.  I do not want to confirm any one's suspicions.  Then also I don't think its any one's business what my sexual preference is.

Not only do they basically ask about one's sexuality, to out oneself, they couple it with a misconduct question!  That's the SBC for you. They firmly believe people like me are hell bound, regardless!  Not gonna move them on that one either.  I checked another SBC seminary and it had the same series of questions.  I am disappointed at this, but not going to let it stop me.  I will find a school where its not important. 

A friend sent me a link to United Church of Christ seminaries, since they are open and affirming. I'm looking at them, along with a couple of more liberal seminaries here in my state. Two offer a combination of online and on campus options. The Online option is important to me.

Anyone have any suggestions?  I will continue this discussion in future posts.