Showing posts with label gay dating. Show all posts
Showing posts with label gay dating. Show all posts

Monday, August 19, 2013

New Jersey Law!!

There are now two states which have enacted laws banning gay conversion therapy for children. California being the first state to pass such a law.  Its a good thing to protect children, plus the reality is this therapy does more harm than anything and never truly changes anyone. In fact, there is a higher instance depression, and suicide among teens in this kind of therapy.  To tell you, at one time early in my coming out, I looked into this kind of therapy.  I am so glad I decided against it! 

Several significant points I want to make about this New Jersey law are the fact this law was signed by a Republican Governor.  Not only that but Chris Christie attached a note saying he believed people are born gay.  That homosexuality is not the sin it is purported to be by mainstream Christianity.  What a break from his party! What a break with his Catholic background. Perhaps a smart move if you want to run for President? This is a significant event!

Now I hope more states enact similar laws protecting children from this kind of "therapy" or what I consider abuse.  This is progress!
 

Wednesday, July 17, 2013

A Call One Night

One evening I was called to the Emergency Room at one of the Hospitals I serve.  It was for a patient who was involved in what is called Intimate Partner Violence. (IVP) This patient was very emotional, and would not talk about his experience, including cooperating with the Police.   They thought the Chaplain could help him calm down and bring comfort.  Instead, the thought of the Chaplain's presence made him nervous. I almost did not speak with him because of his nervousness.   That is until he actually met  me and we started talking, I was able to put him at ease. 

He said he was afraid the Chaplain would judge him and his lifestyle as a gay man.  Would lay the blame for his IVP situation on him. He said when he saw me and began to talk with me he felt I was different from his experience with "religious people"  HOW SAD that is. What a shame.   Instead of bringing comfort, the experience is judgment and hate.

At least there was a different experience for this patient. I'm thankful fro being enabled to be in the right place at the right time...a divine appointment?

Friday, July 12, 2013

Scoped Out

Yesterday I was in the grocery store, in a hurry as usual.  As I walked in I noticed three guys together shopping. One had some kind of bag on his shoulder, they were looking at fruit.  I was in a hurry so I walked on by to the back of the store to do my shopping.  Several times in the store I found myself where one or more of these guys was shopping.

On the last row, it was just the four of us in the isle, the first two of them turned and said hello to me.  That is when the one with the shoulder bag crossed my path made eye contact with me, winked and said nice! Of course I returned the complement, which was an honest return since he was a nice looking guy. 

Then once I was in the check out line, the guy left his buddies in the other line and joined me in my line. We made small talk, I wish now I had asked for his number or offered him mine. After all that kind of thing rarely happens to me! Oh well, lost opportunity.  Maybe I will run into him again?

All the same its nice to be noticed!



 

Saturday, July 6, 2013

Saturday Thoughts

On call last night was uneventful, which can be good for the patients.  There are a lot of thoughts going through my mind today.  Rather eclectic. 

First, I am pleased with the Supreme Court rulings on Same Sex marriage.  That gives me some hope for the future.  Its nice to know there are some legislators who are embracing the rulings and making preparations for the future legislation in regards to this issue. Its a good thing.

On relationships, and friendships. No matter close or not, work related, or personal,  always seem to be complicated in some way. But nothing real in life worth anything is ever simple.  Especially where love is involved. And unrequited love is such a painful bitch! One of my prayers is not to experience this again in my life, but that is the risk one takes when opening up to another person.  It can be worth the risk.  I don't regret taking the risk either.   I still hope one day to find that special someone, if that person exists. If not well  I have friends in my life to whom I offer and give love no matter what. Who I could never turn my back on, who are worth the struggles of relating and  their love is returned. True friends in your life can be like family, the family you choose.

I read a quote today, "Friends can be lovers, but lovers are not always friends" there is truth in that.

Wow does that sound mushy or what?  

On a lighter note, my plans for starting classes are in motion, I have a meeting this next week with the Admissions Director to discuss the classes I plan to take this school year, and the financing, also possible aid sources.  I plan to take a class on campus the fall semester, I think that will give me a good start, the winter semester will be online.  That will save me the trouble of winter travel. 

My roommate and I will be moving to a new place in another part of town in about a month.  I hope this new place will be a better experience for us than where we are now.  Especially maintenance wise. The one thing I will miss about this complex, is the lake, trees, wildlife and peaceful setting.  But I won't miss the parking issues, water leaks, out of date appliances, and HVAC.  Unfortunately idiot neighbors are every where. 

Well I think that is enough thought letting for one post.
Happy Saturday!

 

Sunday, March 3, 2013

Self Acceptance or Self Hate.

There are a number blogs I follow, some publicly, a few privately. Usually, there is something in particular in the blog that draws me to keep checking and reading, sometimes commenting. A few I check and read daily.  There is one I read today which struck a chord in me, I want to highlight here. Its Rick Modien at This Gay Relationship.  He writes about his relationship with his husband of twenty plus years. In the post "Do The Work Now", he makes the point that until a gay person, comes to the place where he or she "learns to understand, accept, and love"  him or herself  how can  one accept and love that special someone?  Indeed this is true for anyone, straight or gay.

Rick has hit the nail on the head with this comment in his post. This is so important, somehow, some way there is a path to understanding and loving oneself as a gay person.  Otherwise, I think we can sabotage our relationships.   Self loathing only leads to self destructive behaviors, and destroys loving relationships

I recall when I finally came to the place where I found peace with my sexuality.  It was such a huge relief to me, I blogged about it here in a series of posts in 2008, then updated in 2010.  Yet the work continues. I don't think it is something that is ever complete, because I believe we evolve and grow.  Speaking for myself, I know its something I need to keep working on and growing.  For others it maybe something you need to grow through. 

The work is often not easy, otherwise it would not be called work!  How do you start?  One step at a time, one issue at a time find your path.    I encourage you as Rick says in his blog "do the work"

Tuesday, February 26, 2013

A Hip First Lady and Tuesday News Items


On Jimmy Fallon's show our First Lady promoted the Lets Move program by dancing with Mr. Fallon.  I thought it was great! We have a cool and hip First Lady.  Mrs. Obama does great work promoting healthy living.  Hope you enjoy!

http://youtu.be/U5qr4ThoeQM


A Celebration is in the works! I will be receiving a small promotion (big to me) at one of the Health Systems I work for. This is welcome news!  Benefits, Benefits, Benefits!  What a relief that will be!  what shall I do to celebrate? Praise God.

Master's degree, I am waiting to hear from the school I applied to for finishing my graduate degree.  I am praying for good news in this area. I look forward to study and finishing my degree at this school.

Gay in the News, according the Huffington Post, and the New York Times, 75 republicans have signed a brief going before the Supreme Court, stating  same Sex marriage is a "constitutional right"
That is worthy of mention.

Investing News,  Investors appear to be moving money from fixed assets to equity assets.  I am following that trend in my Roth account.  I have made a plan to purchase specific stock positions this year, no plans for fixed in come investments at this point, but that is subject to revision. The companies I am purchasing positions in are for long term hold, and all have a history of paying dividends. I consider myself not just a small investor but a minuscule investor. A key for me is flexibility and responding to but not being ruled by market conditions.  Following a plan being long. unless short term speculation is part of the plan.  

My 403B account at work, I currently have 75% in an equity fund, 25% in a fixed income fund. I am looking at changing the mix to 15% fixed income and start allocating10% to a broad basket commodity fund.  This is a risky move but limits the risk exposure to 10%.  So I am thinking of making some combination of change.

Happy Tuesday







 

Saturday, February 16, 2013

The Great Backyard Bird Count Amoung Other Things

Yes its true, I'm a birder.  That means I like to notice the different birds around, I love awaking in the morning to hear birds singing. Now I'm no expert at identifying the birds, just appreciating them and noticing different and unusual bird around.  The Apartment complex where I live has a lake, and lots of trees, its part of what attracted me here. It also attracts many birds and other wildlife.  The past few weeks I have noticed new geese at the lake.  I mean different and unusual color geese.  Plus I heard then saw Robins.  Spring is on its way!


Why did I talk about birds?  Well this weekend the 15th to the 18th is the Great Backyard Bird Count the Audubon Society spearheads each year.  They encourage participants to count as many different birds wherever they are as they can and report the numbers on their website.  Those numbers are tallied and used for research.

Interested?  Here is a link to their site.   http://www.birdsource.org/gbbc/howto.html  It can be fun!

Gay in the News.  This past week, France's National Assembly passed a bill in favor of Same Sex Marriage. The news report stated they expect the bill to be passed along in their National Senate and by signed into law.  Wow, first Great Britain now France! I am glad.

Work can be hard sometimes, last night I was called to a trauma death.  A  young victim of a motorcycle accident.  I do not like motorcycles, if there is an accident the rider loses.  What a tragedy a waste.



 

Thursday, February 14, 2013

Happy Valentines Day, Evening

Another Valentines Day, oh wonderful.  Today has been an uneventful day.  The Hospital where I served my overnight shift last night , decorated the cafeteria with white and red table cloths.  They served wonderful chocolate treats. 

I hope you had a great day and your Valentine did something special for you!

 

Thursday, January 24, 2013

Thursday Thoughts

Today I am off. Not really doing much though, and its cold here, but not like other places though. 

DoMa so I understand that the Supreme Court is going to hear a case concerning the Defense of Marriage Act.  I am glad and hopeful for a result in favor of same sex unions.  In fact I am praying for a good result. 

Who is out? They say the percentage of the population that is LGBT is around three.  But that is the percentage of those who identify as LGBT.  Many more do not identify themselves publicly.  So you see that percentage is obviously much higher. 

It is my belief,  as acceptance of the LGBT community increases , those in our community will feel more comfortable  in being out.  At least in theory.  

Fiscal Cliff,  Just not seem to be going away! Our congress is not accomplishing much.  But they have not done much in awhile.  I hope soon!

The Plan,  This year I have developed plans for my giving, saving/investing, and spending.  Rather than a plain budget, I have broken it down to specific items to purchase, and savings/investing goals It pays to have a plan.

Seminary,  Application is completed, now waiting for the file to be completed. 

Finally Snow? They are calling for snow here tomorrow night. I am on call tomorrow night!  Please Lord NO!  I am afraid of ice. I will be praying for no snow, no ice, or no calls.





 

Saturday, January 19, 2013

Go With The Gut Feeling!

Well I did not go with my gut feeling and I should have. Several Posts ago, I talked about a date I had. I said then I did not think he was the one.  So I thought I would try and be friends with him.  After spending sometime with him, I knew this would not work.  He was too nervous, afraid someone would "know" we are gay. Everything to be secretive, it seemed.  I continued to text and call, trying to be a friend.  Then every time a plan was made, for a lunch or dinner, it was cancelled for one reason or another. So I got the message.

Next time I will remember to listen to my gut, something I learned to do in my work, I have to remember this in the off hours.  As the saying goes...NEXT! .

Friday, December 14, 2012

It's A Date!

Last night I had a dinner date!  With a guy who responded to an ad I placed on Craigslist.  We had been exchanging emails, then texts and phone conversations.  We met at Ruby Tuesday for a nice meal and conversation.  I think it went well...so why am I not more enthusiastic? 

Well I had the feeling he was not that comfortable, in our conversation he revealed that he is a preachers kid. So I felt comfortable telling him what I do for my living.  He did not appear freaked out, which is a big positive.  We had talked about our hope of finding someone special to be in our lives.  So we decided to explore the possibilities. He is 35, and a bookkeeper, has an established life, never been married. His father Pastor's a church locally. Thing is he made the statement that he wants a boyfriend on the "DL", I understand not being out to his family in his situation, but I'm not sure I'm comfortable with the whole DL thing. I need to talk with him further about this.  He said he is not out, which I understand.

I guess my concern is, I spent so much of my life uncomfortable with my sexuality, that I'm not sure I want a relationship that reminds me of those days; Or puts me back in the closet in anyway.  Not that I want the world to know, its not their business any way.  My impression is he does not want me around, if anyone he knows is nearby.  I don't want to close the door on him, so I will be available to explore the possibilities, ask my questions and discuss the issues.

Tuesday, November 20, 2012

Transgender Rembrance Day 2012

In honor of Transgender Remembrance Day.  Let us all think of those who have been killed or injured  simply for being Transgender.  For daring to be in public as they view themselves.   For seeking recognition and love as they are for who they are.
Let our community continue to stand against this kind of  discrimination, and hate.  Please take a moment and pray for those who seek to be true to who they are.
Anti gay hate crimes and discrimination need to be included in all non discriminatory laws.

Lets stop the hate!


Thursday, November 8, 2012

Post Election 2012

Voting on the day. Well its all over! No more political ads!  Several things I want to sound off on about the election, first the long lines.  Knowing this is such an important election, plans should have been made to have more help at the polls, especially with checking voters in. Second, more voter machines would have helped as well. 

Now for the results.  I am very pleased that President Obama has been re-elected.  He most closely represents what I am looking for on tax and social issues especially.  I am pleased our state elected a democrat to Senate.  However, I am not pleased with the outcome of the House race, oh well I guess.  I had hoped for at least a closer split in the House, that the far right wing tea party people would have their wings clipped.  I feel they have contributed to the worsening gridlock we have in Congress. not sure how things will be in the near future, but time will tell.

It appears Virginia is now a 'Blue" state for the most part at least.

Gay Marriage:  Now the really big results for the Gay community!  Same Sex Marriage has been approved by popular vote referendum in two states!  I hope and think this represents changing in views of the general population. My roommate told me about an article he read where in the 90's many did not know a gay person, (reality check, they did not admit knowing a gay person)  In 2012 a large portion of the population says they have a gay friend or relative.  How times are changing, as Martha would say "Its a good thing" 

Lets keep our country, President, Congress and economy in our thoughts and prayers as they seek to lead and deal with issues we all face.

Friday, October 19, 2012

A Victory For Same Sex Marriage

When victories occur for the gay community its nice to pause and consider the implications.  I am referring to the NY Court decision declaring DOMA unconstitutional.  The difference with this decision is the fact that a federal judge appointed years ago by a conservative President, wrote basically the gay community has been and is being discriminated against.  That this law discriminates against a segment of american society which has rights under the constitution.  This is significant to for those of us who have the hope of one day being able to legally marry in this nation.
 
Will I see the day when same sex marriage is not rejected?  I don't know, but I have a glimmer of hope. Of course if I ever find one I want to marry, we could go to a state, or nation where our marriage is accepted. 
Sign me hopeful but realistic.

Thursday, October 11, 2012

Come out Come Out Where ever You Are!!

In honor of National Coming out Day, Won't you take the bold freeing step out and be yourself?  Know YOUR truth...Claim your Voice!

At least acknowledge it to yourself for yourself that is a first step.  John 8:32 "You shall know the TRUTH and the truth shall set you FREE" 

Choose wisely who you acknowledge this too. Not everyone will be accepting. Those who truly love you will accept you.

The most important thing is to be YOU. be comfortable in your own skin, find peace. 

I found peace when I accepted me the way God made me!

Open that door let the light shine in.

A link to It Gets better . org

http://www.itgetsbetter.org/video/

Monday, October 8, 2012

Monday Medley Dutty Love love say it

A Good Monday, today is Columbus Day, a holiday in many parts of the country.  I just finished a crazy shift. Sixteen hours of actual in house coverage and thirty-two hours of on call coverage.  Last night I was called 5 times, very little sleep.  I hope they change this weekend schedule!  Its ok at the smaller Hospitals but the place I was covering is ALWAYS very busy.

October is one of my favorite months, we are getting into the fall season, church bazaars are getting into full swing, its the time of year I enjoy antiquing the most.  However, this month is also my mother's birthday. The first since her death in January, so its a very poignant time for me.  I have a lot of thoughts and emotions swirling around which makes me more sensitive, and perhaps vulnerable.  I noted it last night in my work, I do not like feeling so raw emotionally myself in the midst of others crisis.  I feel I lacked the appropriate distance, to be the non anxious presence in the midst of their crisis.  There must be balance?

Today I want to share two songs, rather different, talking about different kinds of love. Just my feeling today.  I am finding how music helps get the feelings out, whether its sadness, anger, or whatever.  The beat, and  and words seem to help.     Hope you enjoy them..One of these songs is a repeat from a few months ago.  Just where I am today. ..

http://youtu.be/6giXgG6qQzo

http://youtu.be/xWCcW3A08Vc

Wednesday, October 3, 2012

That Relationship Thing: The Wrap Up

Well here we come to the wrap up of my series of thoughts on relationships for a gay man.  This of course has been from my perspective and a bit of my experience. However limited that maybe. My hope from the very beginning of my coming out saga, has been to find one man to love and who would love me. As with anything in life, it is so much more complicated than that!  I have found my ideology gets in the way often times.  In a "perfect" world it would be the way my religious background  says it should be.  Of course according to my religious background's "perfect" world homosexuality would not exist.  We know that is not real!  This is why I refer to myself as a recovering Baptist! 

Let me separate ideology from reality right here.  I am a person of faith, it was my faith which helped me "get real" and come out. I distinguish this from the religiosity that kept me afraid and in the closet for the first 35 years of my life.  If you wonder what I mean by this, please feel free to search this blog and find my posts on coming out, faith, and theology of coming out.  The issue at hand is how do I move forward?  Where do I go from here?

The answer is simple, taking a step at a time, one day at a time.  See where these steps lead.  I have to believe what Jeremiah 29:11 states.  God has a plan, its up to me to seek and find the way.  Thus far it has been an incredible and exciting journey.  Taking this journey has brought some special people into my life.  I have loved and lost, and loved again, loved differently. On this journey I have discovered a few close friends for whom I am grateful. I am still searching, will continue.  One of my friends has said, he thinks he will always be looking for something better or different. I think the reality its not always better on the other side of the next zipper. It can often lead to pain.  That is why there are varying degrees of relating, varying kinds of long term relationships which were mentioned in  the early posts of this series.  I think its a coping mechanism, the thread again is love.  There is a follower of this blog who has a husband he loves and is committed to, he is not one who seeks gratification outside his relationship, because of love for his husband.  That is special, that is true love and commitment it does exist in gay relationships.  Someone else I talk with  says that kind commitment is rare.  I'm not so sure about that, we just don't hear much about them. or am I not being realistic again?

For me I will keep on trying and hope for the best.  There is someone out there, one I will meet or perhaps I already have met or know him? Thanks for reading, thanks for commenting, thanks for well wishes and praying!

Staying on my Rainbow Fish Journey

Saturday, September 22, 2012

That Relationship Thing: A Boyfriend

In continuing my writing on relationships, I would like to share a success.  Several years ago I had a lunch date with a guy that turned into a relationship which lasted a little over a year.  Until it was time for him to return to his native country to continue his career and care for his parents.

We both knew in the back of our minds that day would come, but it did not stop us from enjoying the time we had together. This also made it easier when time came for him to leave. It was not a live in life partner type of arrangement, rather we saw other as often as possible.  At times during that year it was on again off again, but some how we always ended up together. Our relationship solidified for me my peace and satisfaction with my sexuality.  This was possible, it was was a good thing, I was happy.  There was love in our relationship, that I had not experienced before. 

He was in his 20's, I in my 40's, age and race are not issues for me.as long as one is of age and  old enough to know who they are or well on the way to that place, and know what the they want. Yet he was very mature for his age, and could hold an intelligent conversation on issues from geopolitical situations, cultural events, investing, to spiritual issues.  He was in this country on a work visa to complete a year long management residency.   He was so open about everything, I often had to warn him about being too out with his coworkers, neighbors. One time we were out to eat and ran into one of his bosses, he introduced me as his boyfriend.   He finally learned the lesson the hard way, fortunately he was not hurt in the process. 

Often I had to explain things to him with regards to our laws, and our culture.  One time he received a letter from the DMV, and thought they were going to take his car away.  I explained about paying his taxes, and renewing his car registration. He also helped me see a lighter side of life, and my sexuality.  Its no surprise I often take myself, and the issues I have too seriously.

Experiencing a relationship helped me know that is what I want to have in my life again.  It is what I hope for in the long term.  Someone special to me, for me.  Someone in my corner, who knows me well. 

The day came it was time for him to leave, it was a sad, bittersweet moment.  I still hear from him from time to time via email.

Next Wrapping it all up.






 

Wednesday, September 19, 2012

That Relationship Thing: This is Dating?

Dating is like a bag of mixed nuts, you reach in and grab one and never know what your going to get.   I have dated some over the past few years, and met some very interesting and very nice guys.  A few crazies, some gay men are worse than a menstruating woman, sorry ladies.

Most of the time a "date" for me starts from an email or chat online and moves to a face to face meeting at a place where food is served. Some of these dates end there, with no further conversation. Either I'm not what he his looking for, or expecting or he is not for me.  Although I am always open to friendship and conversation. Others continue with more chatting, texting, calling and maybe another date. In the interest of keeping it real, hook ups happen, one is only human.  Rarely do I meet someone in public and end up asking or being asked on a date.  Especially with the work I do, it just does not happen. I would like to share here a few dating experiences that stick out in my mind.

Once when I was living in another part of the state, I had a series of conversations with a guy on the phone that I thought were leading up to a date. Until he brought up the subject of religion, he was a church goer, but struggled with his sexuality and faith. I did not tell him about my work, I was saving that until I knew him better. All I said was I had the same struggle which at that time I did.  He went off and told me I would have to choose between him and my faith. Say What??? Where did that come from???  I told him I could not, nor should I have to do that and he angrily hung up on me. Chalk that one up to experience.

Another guy I talked with on the phone for a few weeks, we had a few serious conversations about life and what we were looking for. We met once for lunch and I was hopeful, until he started acting like we were a couple after one lunch together.  He became possessive calling me wanting to know where I was, who I was with, and so on. That was a turn off, what if we became a couple? What would that be like? I told him how I felt about his questioning andthat i did not think it would work out.  So that was the end of that and I was relieved!  There have been a number of dates that have led to continued friendships. But so far not to the love of my life, my life partner.

There is a good friend in my life that I met this way. It started as an email chat.  Actually I initiated the chat because I liked what I read in his profile.  He was looking for friendship and a relationship, had some witty saying and sounded attractive to me.  That email started a chat that led to texts and phone conversations.  Which in turn led to a meeting at a local Barnes and Noble Cafe.  He told me about a year later, that had I not called him an hour before our meeting to verify it, he was not going to show up.  Well he did show up, and we talked for four and half to five hours.  It did not seem like five hours at all to me, but we closed the store. As they say the rest is history. Today he is one of my closest friends.  A few months ago he called me and we got to talking, and kept on talking.  I fixed my soup and sandwich, he fixed his fish, and we ate "together" over the phone.  That conversation lasted three hours.  Again it did not seem like three hours to me, it flew by.  There is no one else I talk to like that and I am thankful for his friendship. 

There was a date I had a few years ago that led to a relationship.  Next post titled A Boyfriend! 

Saturday, September 15, 2012

That Relationship Thing: Unrequited Love (Revised)

There is someone in my life today who has been a good friend for a number of years.  He knew I am gay before I came to the place in my life where I accepted it.  He actually helped with some of my coming out.

He gave me support at a time in my life I needed it most. There is just one thing. At one point after I found peace to be who I am, I found myself falling in love with my friend. I fell hard for him too. At first, there was mutual attraction, but what I wanted he did not want. For a while it was very difficult and painful to deal with. Another friend helped me understand and find the skills to cope. In time I decided, our friendship was important to me and I wanted to keep this friend in my life. Those feelings remained under the surface for a period of time, but I worked to keep the bigger picture in my mind. Today he continues to be one of my closest friends. We love to laugh, shop, eat, and just enjoy each others company when we can. I still love him, but in a different way, he is family to me. Now I think the romance could ever be rekindled?  If things were to change, anything is possible.  Do I think it will ever happen?  I don't know. Am I waiting around for it to happen? No, that would be wrong.

My point in sharing this that love is what is important.  Those things done out of love, in a relationship of any type are what bond us together. For most I my life, by default, I was sheltered from the ups and downs of romance by my limited engagement. By a closeted existance.  Though through the coming out process, I had been on "dates"  there had never been anything serious up to this point. Now I had experienced a falling in love, and the disappointment that could happen. It was a life lesson.  What do I want? Who do I want to be and be with?  Not sure I have fully answered either of those question since I have discovered I am growing.  What I want tends to change as I grow.

What to share next?  Is this a date?