Something I have noted when I began to get comfortable with myself and being out is the outpouring of emotion from deep within me. At times it seemed I would cry for no apparent reason, this was something that I was not used to. A song on the radio, a special story on TV, or Scripture would touch me, even in my prayers at times were filled with tears. New experiences and the fact I was open to them could be emotional when I reflected on it. I found this outpouring was a healthy release of old emotions, hurt, grief. Sometimes my tears were from a sense of awe at what my Lord has done or is doing in me.
Well I say that to say that I am noticing a decline in the tears. I wonder what this means, I hope its not a hardening of my heart, something I guard against. I think I am finally adjusting, finding a deeper peace and comfort. A spiritual rest as it were. This is a good thing.
Now something to note as well it was very rare for me to cry around anyone else, it was always in my quiet moments alone reading, listening to TV or the radio or in my prayer time. This was always a cathartic event.
So I am wondering what this means? What is next? Growth is always calling us forward, lest we stay in one place and stagnate. Also something I guard against.
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