Saturday, January 31, 2009

Whats Next?

Something I have noted when I began to get comfortable with myself and being out is the outpouring of emotion from deep within me. At times it seemed I would cry for no apparent reason, this was something that I was not used to. A song on the radio, a special story on TV, or Scripture would touch me, even in my prayers at times were filled with tears. New experiences and the fact I was open to them could be emotional when I reflected on it. I found this outpouring was a healthy release of old emotions, hurt, grief. Sometimes my tears were from a sense of awe at what my Lord has done or is doing in me.

Well I say that to say that I am noticing a decline in the tears. I wonder what this means, I hope its not a hardening of my heart, something I guard against. I think I am finally adjusting, finding a deeper peace and comfort. A spiritual rest as it were. This is a good thing.

Now something to note as well it was very rare for me to cry around anyone else, it was always in my quiet moments alone reading, listening to TV or the radio or in my prayer time. This was always a cathartic event.

So I am wondering what this means? What is next? Growth is always calling us forward, lest we stay in one place and stagnate. Also something I guard against.

Thursday, January 22, 2009

A NEW DAY: Change is in the air

Well President Obama is now in office! It was said the crowd for the inauguration was the largest ever. That says a lot, there is a sense of hope and expectation. I am praying for him and his administration, and the Congress as well to be able to accomplish as much as possible and be successful. As he said in his speech we all have a role to play in our country and economy.

The changes we hope for will not happen overnight, but I think this election shows the willingness and openness of a large number of people for positive change. If we work together, each one playing a part.

Some new things already, for the first time in presidential history there was an openly gay group who participated in the inaugural parade!

Also noted today Milk, a film about a gay activist has been nominated for an Oscar. Good work!

My hopes, for a better economy and people back to work. For a safer more secure lifestyle for everyone. More openness to minority issues and rights, both racial, religious, and sexual orientation. Laws that protect the rights of workers from discrimination based on sexual orientation. So much more that I could wish for.

Good things to come I hope, but the road will be hard.

Monday, January 12, 2009

Monday Nite Ramblings

Well the cold is much better! I hope none of you get this mess! It been rough.

I was on call last nite, I had hoped to get a little rest, HAH! I was called out not once or twice but five times! Don't get me wrong I need the money it will provide plus I like the work. The thing is I came close to my record of deaths in one overnight shift. Whats more there seems to be a number of young people dying right now. That is bothersome. No clear reason that is obvious in the ER. Its amazing how things can happen so quickly. Life is fleeting.

A week tomorrow we will have a new President in the Whitehouse. I hope there will be true change. I think he is seeking to do what he can. I hope the congress can work together to help the problems we face and not just spin wheels and not help. Is that being naive?

I have been thinking about the beginnings of our country. People came here for many different reasons. The most prevalent were opportunity and liberty both personal and religious. Yet, they brought with them their own prejudices and imposed them on others. (think of the Puritans). I may write more about that later.

Well enough rambling.

Friday, January 9, 2009


Well since Monday of this week I have been down with a bad head cold. I don't get sick often, (a benefit of working in a Hospital environment I think) But when I do get sick its a doozy. Top it off I don't have health insurance right now so I hesitate to go to the doctor. I medicated myself with over the counter and home remedies which seem to help. I have not gone to the ALF at all this week, so that is a hit on my paycheck! I was going to go yesterday but after getting ready I had to sit and rest. When I awoke two hours later, it was just not worth it to go. Plus I was on call for the Hospital last night so I needed to be rested and ready for that. I had two calls and did not get back in until 06:30 this morning. I planned on getting ready and spending most of the day at the ALF. Well again I came in a went to bed for a "little while" when I awoke in was 1 o clock in the afternoon! So much for that! So Saturday will be a day for work. On the plus side I feel sooo much better. I think I am on the mend.

I used my time this week to pray, do a little reading when I could. When I am sick I plan to do all these things to try and redeem the time but sleep or vegetative things seem to dominate my time. Well I guess that is how it goes!

Friday, January 2, 2009

Welcome 2009!

Happy New Year to everyone! Phil 3:13-14 "Forgetting what lies behind, looking forward to what lies a head, I press on toward the upward call of God in Christ Jesus"

At the very beginning of this blog I said this was a place for me to express myself, to work out my thoughts and feelings. I found this has been very healthy for me, I also found a few regular readers who express their thoughts. opinions, and encouragement as well. To you I say thank you and God bless you, you will never know your impact this side of Heaven! I invite you to continue or begin your reading and commenting. Even email me direct if you like. You have a place at my table, perhaps we can learn from each other in 09.

My new year's prayer for us all. I pray our Lord will protect us as a nation, as GLBT community, and individually. I ask that our Lord would move and change the hearts of those who stand in the way of gay rights, same gender marriage, for those who spew hate toward any group. I ask for God's provision of jobs, housing, food, heat and cooling, clothing for all of us, especially those who find themselves without as this year begins. I ask our Jehovah Jeriah to bless us all with successes in 2009.

My hope for 2009 is to continue the growth I experienced in 2008, it was tough but good year in many respects. 2008 was as dickens put it in a tale of two cities, the worst of times and the best of times. I hope for more stable income, if that means a change in jobs so be it, actually I pray for the right doors to open and the courage to walk through them. I pray for benefits in 2009.

I confess my fear, fear of job loss, fear of car break down, fear of the unknown. I know fear is not of God and that is why I confess it. Perhaps I should not write that here but hey its my blog.

I pray for stable health as well. I also pray for a friend and lover this year if that is in God's timing for me. For my friends to all be happy, well, growing spiritually, close to Christ . protected, and provided for. For those with no one special to find that one this year as well.

Most of all I pray and desire God's will for my life and those around me. For God's will is ALWAYS the BEST thing for us, is NEVER a danger to us. Just read Jer 29:11, Jer 33:3

I pray especially for our new President to be safe, protected, wise, understanding. to be granted the ability to unify our country in as many ways possible, and bring about the change and revitalization we need.

That is quite a list! Really the only prayer needed is for God to be who he is in my life and the lives of those around me. That's is the true need. everything else will fall into place after that.

Happy New Year! Be blessed in 09