TOO LONG

Well its been too long since my last post. I will finish my confession of faith and post it soon. Alot has been going on, work mostly and looking to replace the assisted living job with something else. But what? A lot of thoughts have had my mind occupied of late. Too many to mention here. The biggest is relationship! No nothing new there, thats why its a big thought. Am I ready?

Been thinking of trying some different clubs in the area too, a chance to meet new people? We have about 7 or 8 in the area. There are a few I would not try not my kind of place. One I want to try, I am told by friends not to go there the first time alone, to go with them next time they go, so I will. I am so glad I don't work in a church setting, none of what I have accomplished in the last 4 years would have "come out" had I been working in a church. Too risky.

Oh BIG news flash, my new boss at the Hospital, he was coordinator under my last boss knows I am gay, and accepts me. I actually think he knew a long time ago (along with my last boss). I did my CPE with them. Well until next time keep looking up

My confession of Faith Part 1

Preface: In reality faith is very simple; it’s what one believes in his or her heart. We humans make it much more complicated than it really is. Often we try to add this or that to the Gospel, and faith as a requirement. As a Christian gay it is more prevalent. I have heard oh all gay people are doomed to hell just for being gay. I will deal with this more when I confess what I believe about Salvation. I come from a conservative Baptist background, where the only thing I heard about being gay was negative. Also there was a narrow view of Scripture and its interpretation. Free thought and personal exploration were not encouraged. However, in my early teens I had a pastor who taught us to go to the Scripture ourselves and examine it under the guidance of the Holy Spirit and test what he was teaching. That was a beginning. My current pastor (again a Baptist church) has taught me to be ecumenical, to work with folk from other denominations. This helped me when I began work in my chaplain ministry. This background was both a hindrance and in some ways a help to my journey out of the closet. Since beginning my coming out process, my rainbow fish journey; I have found my theology has changed to be more open and accepting of others beliefs. Perhaps that is the biggest most important change. An instance of this is a Lutheran friend of mine nick named me her liturgical Baptist friend. I am very liturgical in my ministry; again my current pastor had a lot to do with this. This has led me to write this confession to define what I believe and perhaps identify ways it has changed. Perhaps a better way to say it I began to own and better understand my faith. I am coming to the point in my journey where I need to make some decisions about my church affiliation. Up till now where I am has worked, I hope doing this confession will help me define where I need to be.

THE ESSENTIALS:
The Trinity: I believe there is one God in three persons, Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. The Trinity existed before the foundation for the world. They were present and active in creation. The Word of God, the Breath of God.

God: Is Father who is omniscient, ever present and powerful creator, sustainer of life. God Yahweh, Jehovah is on His throne in Heaven, in control of everything, over all, in all, through all. He all knowing, He is all powerful, righteous, Holy Father. He deserves all praise honor and glory. God the Father is the author of life, He is the author of love.

Son: Jesus Christ, Emmanuel, God with us. He is God incarnate, John 1:1 The Word became flesh and dwelt among us. Our Lord Jesus Christ was born of a virgin, lived, walked, and ministered on earth. He revealed Himself to sinful man and gave himself as the sacrifice for everyone’s sin. Which reconciles man with the Father. He died on the cross willingly was buried and on the third day rose victorious over sin, death and the grave. He revealed Himself risen Savior and ascended into heaven before the eyes of His disciples. Jesus Christ is now seated at the right hand of the Father in heaven as glorified Lord. There will come a day when every knee will bow and every tongue will confess that Jesus Christ is Lord. The wonderful thing is we have the opportunity to do that now in our life. We have the Choice.

Spirit: The Holy Spirit, the helper, the breath of God is the person of the trinity who indwells the believer at salvation. The Holy Spirit has the ministry of convicting of sin, and righteousness, leading, teaching. The Spirit empowers the believer to live a Christ like life. The Holy Spirit seals the believer for salvation. The Spirit empowers the application of the Scripture in the heart of the Believer. The Holy Spirit intercedes for us in our prayers. The Spirit guides us, speaks truth to our heart.
More later.

Some Trivia

Trivia from OUT Magazine

There are 1500 side effects blamed on Viagra, a few are blindness, deafness, hiccups, foaming at the mouth, a u shaped cock(that would happen only once) and death.

June is Pride month last year there were 500,000 participants in the New York parade. In 1970 the first parade there were 200.

Abraham Lincoln is said to have shared a bed with his friend Joshua Speed for 4 years when they were in their 20's. hmmm.

Not trivia but I am working on a post I will share in the near future. Its a confession of faith or perhaps my personal theology in writing. Its involved and I am trying not to be verbose. This is the result of me nailing down what I believe since I don't really fit the Baptist mold anymore. Plus during my CPE experience my supervisor urged me to do this. I never did until now.

I hope doing this exercise and sharing it here will help me see where I fit in church life. I want to be true to Christ, and I hope find a place to worship where I can be honest about who I am not have to overlook too much or be concerned about being pushed out. I can say the only real change in my theology is that it has broadened in many ways which the church of my background would most likely say makes me very liberal and perhaps in a heretic in their eyes. Well if that is the case so be it! I still know Jesus Christ as my Lord and Saviour!

Doing Both Together

Happy Saturday to all! Well I have made a decision. Finally! What takes me so long sometimes I don't know.

I have applied to a local university to earn the Master of Education in Counseling. Its a 39 credit degree program that will give me the counseling basics as well as research basics. This coupled with bereavement certification will be a good combination. Now I also want to apply to another university that has an extension center locally which offers a Master of Arts in Theology. Its a 36 credit degree program which offers courses in ethics, spiritual direction, philosophy of theology, pastoral theology. Add this to what I already have will provide a well rounded training experience I feel.

These two degrees are specific applied to the area of ministry I am working and interested in. you may ask what can I do with these degrees? Well, I can counsel in almost any community agency, I can do school counseling as well. With the MA I can teach on college level with both of these but specifically religion courses on the community college level. as well it gives a degree toward chaplaincy. I am not interested in church ministry.

The M.Div is the standard and what most Hospitals look for. These two will give me give me the 72 hours required by APC for certification. I will actually have a few more then that. This I hope will give me the equivalent.

Now my next decision is should I try to do both degrees at the same time assuming I have the financial resources and time to take two classes a semester. I would take a class in each degree program each semester. I will go year round until they are completed. The other option is to work on one at a time taking two classes each semester. Which ever it is I need to get going.

I ask for your prayers as I make the applications that I be accepted in both programs, and know if two or one at a time. Plus your input as always is welcome. There is wisdom in a number of counselors. Blessings to you.

Tax Day This and That

Well where to start? I am off today only day this week which is a good thing for the paycheck. I spent part of the day taking care of the taxes. I owe big time this year, can't figure that one out, I had more taken out last year too! hmmm scratch! I am delighted that the IRS allows one to make payments.

On another financial note, please pray for me, I have some issues to deal with and need the Lord's and others guidance. I cant do this alone.

Today I went to the Mall! how exciting huh. While I was eating lunch these two cute young guys walked up to my table and asked if there was anything they could pray for me for. It was nice we had prayer right there. i appreciated that.

I cant do this alone. This has been my prayer of late, recognizing and acknowledging that I can't do this alone. I can't minister on my own, I can't live my life for myself or by myself. I need to live my life by the power our Lord provides. It humbling to pray that prayer and go through the list of how I am dependent on the Lord.

i have some major life changing decisions about education, career and such. Sometimes its overwhelming. When it gets that way i don't move, its like I am frozen. then nothing gets done. I hate that! God is faithful ,I trust my steps will be right at the right time.

LIFE or something like it

Its been a little while since my last post. Here is an update on a few things I want to get out of me by writing.

First, my lease, I made the decision to sign a new lease for the current apartment at the same rent for another year. When I got to the rental office I was offered a lease at the same rent for 24 months! I grabbed it! My mistake was telling my oldest brother about it. He told me I had made a mistake, using a lot of what ifs. At first it made a little frightened that I had made a mistake and WHAT IF??? Truth is I was pleased as punch at this opportunity, I am not ready to move, and don't want to move. I hope to use this time to pay off some bills, save some money and then move to a place I can buy. I am living by faith and intend to leave the what ifs to God. Really living by faith is both hard and easy at the same time. What a conundrum!

I am beginning to get a sense my career will be whats right for me. Not what others tell me it ought to be. I have thought of changing my line of work do to my coming out and all it means. I am finding I have a lot of options. Still not sure where it will take me but I have more peace the Lord still has a call on my life I can't leave. The education I have struggled with achieving is changing as well, thinking out of the box using an alternate route seems to be within reach. I will know if a few weeks. At any rate my desire is to turn over the Assisted Living ministry to someone else, and the circumstances seem to show me that is the right thing to do.

With this regard there has been a change in the attitude of my best friend too. He has said I needed to leave ministry to fully live and experience life as a gay man. Really it was his discomfort with it I think. Especially since we tell each other things in detail. Well he made the comment the other day that I really need to "get out" of the assisted Living, not leading Worship will be a good change for me. The Hospital is somehow different yet there are sacred things about that as well. He is seeing that differently, perhaps the Lord is changing his heart?
He is going through some things right now and I am standing with him through it. It hurts me to know he is hurting, I care for him sooo much.

Spring is springing life goes on and time is a flitting!

a number of other things are happening as well some are cause for concern but right now I either am powerless to do anything about it or it seems i am powerless

The Bear Details

A BIG Bear, this grizzly stood 14' on its hind legs!

AW He just wants to play too.

A bear pole dance!

Just some interesting pics that were sent my way. Something different to share here. I was toying with the idea of adding a sexy pic or two but chickened out. Enjoy the bears

Rejection is Never Easy

The Scripture teaches there is a time for everything under the sun. Well tonight I had to do something I don't like. I was something I am uncomfortable with; yet I feel sad and relieved. I had to do it there was no way around it. I am the one REJECTING. Rejection is never easy; I have been on both sides and its not easy either way. I am more familiar with being the one rejected. I am too old, too fat, too hairy, I wear glasses, too religious, I am a chaplain, or a number of other things I have been told. This time the shoe is on my foot.

You see I had conversations online with a guy and they went well. It was interesting he seemed interesting. We agreed to a meeting and he showed up, which is always good. From there it went down hill. I wont go into the details but suffice it to say he is not really my "type". We had somethings in common but not enough. Things did not go very well. When we left each other nothing was said about meeting again, and I had no intention of contacting him. I don't want to lead him on in anyway. I knew it was not going to work. I thought he sensed that from the way things went. Well I was wrong.

He did not call but texted me saying he wanted to try again and when was I available. Being the big chicken I am, I reacted by not responding. Send subtle message not good I know. well he texted me two more times. That was something else, he seemed rather "clingy". So I ended up sending him a text letting him know I did not think it would work out and that I was sorry for disappointing him. I was both relieved and sad at the same time. So far no more messages.

I will keep looking for Mr. right, I am sure he will too. this relationship thing is such a bitch to deal with but I will keep on.
Thanks for reading.

Quote of the Day

Friends are like Buttcracks....there is a lot of shit between them but stick together.

O Harlow

Harlow is a guy who was an escort, and with his partner/lover, owned an escort service and gay porn business. Now I never condone the escort industry or used "escorts" for obvious reasons, although I do enjoy a good gay porn flick from time to time I am aware and careful of its addictive nature.

Harlow, a very good looking guy, who seemly was smart, and had a future in front of him. Is facing the possibility of the death penalty or life in prison. For the murder of a competing gay pornographer. It was a particularly gruesome murder by all accounts, such rage! What drives a person to do such a thing to another human being? The sinful nature and lust for power and money? Its very sad; Three lives lost in such a way!

Next week Harlow should know his fate, the price to pay for taking a human life, and again for what? Whatever the jury decides will be his earthly punishment will pale in comparison to the eternal judgement he will face. I pray he repents.

A Silly thing with my Car.I still need them.

In my last blog i spoke about the church reunion. Well something very simple and rather silly happened at the end of the reunion. I went out to my car, put the key in to start it and could not budge the ignition or adjust the locked steering wheel to release it. I tried several attempts to no avail. Sooo I got out and went back in not sure what to do.

There are several men in my church growing up who took me under their wing so to speak. (My father died when I was 14) Three of them were there that day, one is the husband of my long time Sunday school and youth teacher. They really are second parents to me. Well I told him what was wrong, so he took my keys and went to my car. He worked the key a bit and it started right up! I asked what he did, what I did wrong. First I had the wheels turned too far it made the steering wheel lock tight. I did not jiggle the wheel enough. Had I been alone I would have got it figured out myself he said. Then with a smile he told me "see the Lord was just telling you, that you still need us! "

I do, in many ways I do.

From Whence I Came

This past Sunday I attended a reunion of folks from the church I grew up in. This church is no longer in existence and its a long story. The reunion was held at the church of our former Pastor, who left my home church in disgrace some 25 years ago. An even longer story. Over the last few years a lot of forgiveness, restoration, and healing have taken place. My former pastor has been restored and has a growing and vital church. This actually was the third reunion in the last 2 years but the first I attended.

They do not know I am gay, and I have no intention of coming out to this group. It would not really accomplish anything.

It was very good to see people I grew up knowing, and old friends I was in youth group and Sunday School with. We ate a nice lunch and had a wonderful time of fellowship and worship. Hearing my old pastor preach again was very nice and brought back good memories.

Looking from whence I came. Now the church I grew up in, was a conservative baptist. so the teaching I heard concerning homosexuality was not positive by any means. however, this pastor I consider to be a great Bible teacher along with my Sunday school teacher and discipleship leaders help give me a solid biblical foundation. That foundation is what helped me research, pray, and study Scripture until I found the answers I was looking for. The Holy Spirit used these answers to open my mind and heart and enabled me accept myself and come out.

Interesting point, the point of the message he gave was each of us in our respective lives and churches can remember our past, let it inform our present, and move us to the next thing. How interesting I am attempting to move to the next thing in my life. He said just do it. Now I think that is a word from God! During the prayer time following the message I found myself tearing up. In fact I sobbed uncontrollably for a few minutes. This was the first time in many years I cried like that in front of other people! Since Sunday the tears I thought were cried out have returned. I am not bothered by it, there seems to be a new release. So now its on to the next thing, tears and all!