A few days ago I was asked by someone "what are you looking for?" Good question! Sometimes I am not sure. At times I am wanting to find someone I connect with on as many levels as possible for a LTR, someone to be my husband as it were. (This best fits my christian goals and hope.) Other times I am looking for one, two or three for sexual friendship. Deep down I hope to find one to love and be loved by, to love me as much as I love him. To be faithful as a lover and a friend. Then I must admit there are times I am just looking for sex... There I said it. Does not mean it happens.
There is something that concerns me greatly about finding a relationship. That is the propensity of my potential partner to cheat. I have been told by a number of gay friends that cheating is the norm amoung gay couples. Something I find disturbing given the idea of commitment, the problems that have to be overcome getting into a relationship, plus the potential for STD's. The one who asked me the above question told me the only way he and his partner stay together is the fact they are in an open relationship. He said "men are dogs" My question is why is this so? Is it true? I am not sure I could handle knowing the one I live with and love is with someone else, does this mean I am not enough? Of course this speaks to my own self esteem, sense of security, codependecny issues. It is real though.
The one who asked this question also suggested to me that I get to know more people first, and have "sexual friendships", then see what develops from there. Hmmm. My best friend has told me I am not ready yet. He is afraid I would be setting myself up to get hurt. By the way, I am in love with my best friend, he knows it. He says he is not looking for a relationship; I am praying for that to change someday. Am I waiting? Yes and no. I am looking, but I still have to answer the question "What am I looking for?" I guess I will know when I find it...I may have found it.
By the way, a question to anyone who might read this blog...Is cheating truely the "norm" in gay relationships? What is your experience with this? I would be pleased to hear from you.
Purple Reign 2: Friends Old & New, Tried & True
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12 hours ago
3 comments:
Lots of interesting questions and ideas in this blog. I've been with my partner now for 3 years. I don't have any desire to "cheat". That is not to say it doesn't happen. It just hasn't for us. Sure sex with the same person can get old....but so can anonymous sex. I agree with your friend in that you would probably be better served "trying out a few models" before buying one. But you will probably know when you've "met" him.....
define "normal"?
All I can tell you is my experience and what I observe about those close to me and others I know who are gay and Christian and partnered.
In this context, at least, I think there is a desire to be monogamous. In our case (living together for nearly 3 years), we have been. I know a number of others who believe in monogamy and are committed to it. What happens out of sight, I've no way of knowing.
It's fair to level the same question at opposite sex relationships too. How often are opposite sex couples not monogamous. My partner was formerly married and his former spouse and friends were into "swinging". I don't think it's that uncommon.
Update 2013, the best friend I said I was in love with in this post, is still my friend. However, I got over being romantically in love with him. It was unrequited love, which I have a post about in my This Relationship Thing series. Still looking.
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