That Relationship Thing; What About Romance?

When it comes to romance, like everything else in life it can get very messy, and complicated in a hurry. There are all kinds of romantic entanglements in life.  We find everything from a one night stand, a “no strings attached” sex partner, a friend with benefits, to a serious love relationship with variations of all the above.  There are strictly platonic, monogamous, and open relationships.   All these are alive and well in 2012 no matter what your sexual preference.  It all depends what one wishes for, but finding anyone of these can lead to frustration, disappointment, and heartbreak.

I am acquainted with several gay couples who have relationships like listed above. One thinks of themselves as monogamous, but in reality they are not.  They know they are not; it’s ok as long as the other does not “know” about anything his partner does outside their relationship and vice versa.  These two went to Las Vegas and exchanged rings in a commitment ceremony, and they have been together 15 years.  Another couple has been together 12 years, are in an open relationship.  This apparently works for them; this is not what I am looking for.  Though at one time, I thought I could consider an open relationship for the “right” man.  In honesty, If one came along, I might still consider it…for love, could I handle this? I don’t know.

Another aspect I read about and hear about is the amount of cheating that goes on. Even among “committed” couples.  Some say its “natural” to cheat, it helps the relationship.   It seems there is an idea of finding out what the next guy has to offer, even though there is some kind of “love” between one and the current guy.  There seems to be unsettledness in life. There is also the concept that, “I’m going to cheat on him before he cheats on me. Or because I know he is cheating” There are a few others I am acquainted with who work hard at their commitment and relationships and it works out.  The common thread among these couples who have stayed together is a commitment to each other that is grounded by love for each other.  One calls it an unconditional love.  

Another thing I have seen both in those I have chatted with, and in my work at the Hospitals.  There is an amount of abuse in relationships.  The abuse can be emotional, financial, physical or a combination of all three. Sometimes it is “put up with” because he loves me, or I need him.  Who else will have me?  I don’t care; there is no excuse for abuse, or living with abuse if one is aware of it.

Another aspect in gay relationships are the number of married men, who think of themselves as “straight or bisexual” who sneak off to have affairs with gay men.  There are quite a few, most justify it by saying they can’t help themselves.  In my opinion, they are in denial and lying to themselves, their wives, and lovers about their sexuality.  I don’t believe in bisexuality, I never hear of gay men of sneak off to have an affair with a woman.  Some legitimately have not dealt with their sexuality, and find themselves at a stage in life where they are confronted with it. They don’t know how to handle it.

As you can see life relationships, romantic entanglements can be messy, complicated and a lot of work. But I believe they are worth the effort, they are needed and essential to living a full life.  Gay or straight.

Next That Relationship Thing: My Personal Story.