That Relationship Thing: The Wrap Up

Well here we come to the wrap up of my series of thoughts on relationships for a gay man.  This of course has been from my perspective and a bit of my experience. However limited that maybe. My hope from the very beginning of my coming out saga, has been to find one man to love and who would love me. As with anything in life, it is so much more complicated than that!  I have found my ideology gets in the way often times.  In a "perfect" world it would be the way my religious background  says it should be.  Of course according to my religious background's "perfect" world homosexuality would not exist.  We know that is not real!  This is why I refer to myself as a recovering Baptist! 

Let me separate ideology from reality right here.  I am a person of faith, it was my faith which helped me "get real" and come out. I distinguish this from the religiosity that kept me afraid and in the closet for the first 35 years of my life.  If you wonder what I mean by this, please feel free to search this blog and find my posts on coming out, faith, and theology of coming out.  The issue at hand is how do I move forward?  Where do I go from here?

The answer is simple, taking a step at a time, one day at a time.  See where these steps lead.  I have to believe what Jeremiah 29:11 states.  God has a plan, its up to me to seek and find the way.  Thus far it has been an incredible and exciting journey.  Taking this journey has brought some special people into my life.  I have loved and lost, and loved again, loved differently. On this journey I have discovered a few close friends for whom I am grateful. I am still searching, will continue.  One of my friends has said, he thinks he will always be looking for something better or different. I think the reality its not always better on the other side of the next zipper. It can often lead to pain.  That is why there are varying degrees of relating, varying kinds of long term relationships which were mentioned in  the early posts of this series.  I think its a coping mechanism, the thread again is love.  There is a follower of this blog who has a husband he loves and is committed to, he is not one who seeks gratification outside his relationship, because of love for his husband.  That is special, that is true love and commitment it does exist in gay relationships.  Someone else I talk with  says that kind commitment is rare.  I'm not so sure about that, we just don't hear much about them. or am I not being realistic again?

For me I will keep on trying and hope for the best.  There is someone out there, one I will meet or perhaps I already have met or know him? Thanks for reading, thanks for commenting, thanks for well wishes and praying!

Staying on my Rainbow Fish Journey

That Relationship Thing: A Boyfriend

In continuing my writing on relationships, I would like to share a success.  Several years ago I had a lunch date with a guy that turned into a relationship which lasted a little over a year.  Until it was time for him to return to his native country to continue his career and care for his parents.

We both knew in the back of our minds that day would come, but it did not stop us from enjoying the time we had together. This also made it easier when time came for him to leave. It was not a live in life partner type of arrangement, rather we saw other as often as possible.  At times during that year it was on again off again, but some how we always ended up together. Our relationship solidified for me my peace and satisfaction with my sexuality.  This was possible, it was was a good thing, I was happy.  There was love in our relationship, that I had not experienced before. 

He was in his 20's, I in my 40's, age and race are not issues for me.as long as one is of age and  old enough to know who they are or well on the way to that place, and know what the they want. Yet he was very mature for his age, and could hold an intelligent conversation on issues from geopolitical situations, cultural events, investing, to spiritual issues.  He was in this country on a work visa to complete a year long management residency.   He was so open about everything, I often had to warn him about being too out with his coworkers, neighbors. One time we were out to eat and ran into one of his bosses, he introduced me as his boyfriend.   He finally learned the lesson the hard way, fortunately he was not hurt in the process. 

Often I had to explain things to him with regards to our laws, and our culture.  One time he received a letter from the DMV, and thought they were going to take his car away.  I explained about paying his taxes, and renewing his car registration. He also helped me see a lighter side of life, and my sexuality.  Its no surprise I often take myself, and the issues I have too seriously.

Experiencing a relationship helped me know that is what I want to have in my life again.  It is what I hope for in the long term.  Someone special to me, for me.  Someone in my corner, who knows me well. 

The day came it was time for him to leave, it was a sad, bittersweet moment.  I still hear from him from time to time via email.

Next Wrapping it all up.






 

My Theology: Born this way

The question I wanted an answer for, that I sought to understand is; where does homosexuality come from? Is it a choice? Is it learned? Or is it something more basic like in the DNA that makes us?

First, I can say without any doubt in my mind and heart that homosexuality in NOT a choice. Think of it, who would choose to be someone that is discriminated against? That is thought of by many as “contrary to nature”? Who would choose not to have the right to marry the one he or she loves? In many sectors of society be looked down upon? Who? Plus if there were a choice one could choose not to, and change. There is scientific data which I am told shows same sex attraction is not learned or chosen. It is in one’s make up. It’s a chromosome gene.

Why? What is the purpose? That is a question for which I have no answer other than through the eyes of my faith to say… the Sovereignty of God. It’s a God thing.

Two places in the Old Testament come to mind when thinking of this. First, Jeremiah 1:5a which states “Before I formed you in the womb I knew you. And before you were born I consecrated you” Not trying to be out of context, I must note this is referring to Jeremiah’s call to ministry. However, it also shows us how God the father knows us and he is active in our creation. In forming us; and knowing us.

Further, Psalm 139 in its entirety. The first portion talks about God’s knowledge of us, verse 1, “Lord you have searched me and known me” verse 2b, “You understand my thoughts from afar” The in verse 3 “You are intimately acquainted with all my ways” Wow! The passage goes on to describe how God knows us, there is no place on earth we can go to escape the gaze of God or his knowledge of us.

In verse 13 the Psalmist writes, “For you formed inmost parts; you wove me in my mother’s womb.” This is the most compelling point for me when the scripture states that the God of the universe formed my inmost parts, wove me. Couple that with the verse from Jeremiah, and I understand better. God formed, made, molded my inmost parts would include my DNA, the chromosome gene, my personality, my gifting and ability, and my sexuality. In his Sovereign knowledge of me God knew from the very beginning I would be gay. He placed the substance there in me that would make me who I am.

To say God the father would not do that or could not do that is to say God the father is not as is Sovereign as we say he is. I believe by faith that God created me gay, that I was born to be a Christian gay and consecrated from the womb to the work I do. Gay or straight, I believe the same is true for you too.

My Theology Lev 20:13

There are a number of issues to talk about when considering biblical theology from a Christian gay perspective. Among them is what to think about Leviticus 20:13? Is homosexuality learned or in one’s make up? Is being or acting gay a sin which is unforgivable? It was not until I began wrestling with my own theology, studying scripture and reading various theologians and listening to the Holy Spirit speak to my heart, instead simply accepting what I heard or was taught; did I begin to understand what our Lord was saying to me. What it meant to me, develop my own systematic theology.

Let me say a word about my method of study. In examining scripture I usually read the passage in several versions to see the differences in wording. Then often I would read several commentaries coming from differing views ie conservative to more liberal. I also used resources to understand culture and history.

This writing is my attempt to verbalize in a systematic way my theological belief relating to homosexuality. It will be presented in several different posts dealing with specific scripture and issues. This is not nor is it meant to be an academic presentation, but rather a statement of what I have come to accept and believe as a Christian who is gay. My personal growth points in coming out.

Leviticus 20:13. “If a man sleeps with a man as with a woman, they have committed an abomination. They must be put to death, their blood in on their own hands” (HSB)

Often this verse is lifted out of the passage and used as if it stands alone. To do this ignores verses 1 through 21 of the passage plus the passages which precede and follow. That is never good exegesis. When considering Jewish law, history and context, several issues are raised. This was written in a time and culture when the nation of Israel was concerned about survival, purity, and idol worship. In the surrounding nations there was idol temple prostitution both heterosexual and homosexual often used and accepted as a form of worship to particular Idols. This was in direct violation of "you shall have no other God before me" commandment. Also if men had sex with men or women with women, there was no procreation for the nation. This verse is part of a passage of scripture that is speaking to the issues of procreation, aspects of Idol worship, ceremonial uncleanliness. Many of the rules set forth in this and other passages like it (such as not wearing wool, eating shell fish, or various meats) are no longer used or relevant to the life of God’s people.

To take this verse and used it without consideration of the rest of the passage, examining history, culture takes it out of context and often makes it a pretext. I don’t believe this single verse speaks to the issue facing the church and Christian homosexuals in the 21st century.

My Faith

Sometime ago I started sharing my personal statement of faith. Well I think the Apostles Creed states what I believe most effectively. Its the basics that are most important, I can work, and fellowship across denominational lines. Those traditions that separate us are not important enough keep me from working with others. At the Hospital I have to work with folks across all lines. Here I am placing the creed here, however there are specific doctrines that I want to speak to in future posts.

One of the things that I find bothersome about the denomination of my youth, is the practice of not working with or fellowshiping across denominational lines. There seems to be an emphasis on doctrinal purity and telling folk what to believe instead of teaching how to develop their own theology and gifts for service is unhealthy. Here is the Creed

I believe in God the Father almighty, maker of heaven and earth. I believe in Jesus Christ, God's only son, our Lord who was conceived by the Holy Spirit, born of the virgin Mary, suffered under Pontius Pilot, was crucified, died, buried, descended to the dead. Rose again on the third day,he ascended into heaven and is seated at the right hand of God the Father. He will come to judge the living and the dead.

I believe in the Holy Spirit, the holy catholic Church,the communion of the saints, the forgiveness of sin, the Resurrection of the body and everlasting life. AMEN.

Open and Affirming Churches

I have been looking around the internet for denominations and specific churches that are gay open and affirming. A very good resource is a web site http://www.gaychurch.org/. It lists churches of all sorts in every state. Unfortunately in my area there are very few to choose from. I visited two in the past. The worship styles were very different, even from what I'm used to. There is an MCC locally I have yet to visit.

Some inclusive Denominations I am aware of are

United Church of Christ, however its up to each local congregation to decide if they are inclusive or not. There are 10 or so in my area but only two advertise themselves as open and affirming.

Disciples of Christ, a very open denomination, I like them, and considering them.

Metropolitan Community Church, A denomination started to reach out to the LGTB community. It also attracts a number of straight people as well. Not sure if the National Council of Churches recognizes them... they should.

The Episcopal Church in USA has made great strides in being more inclusive. This year with the church position on ordaining Bishops who are gay. There are parish Priests who live openly.

The Lutheran Church is working toward being more inclusive officially, there are individual Parishes who are very inclusive, of their clergy as well.

I found a website for Baptist Churches, http://www.rainbowbaptists.org/ This amazes and pleases me to know there are Baptists out there that are this progressive, but there none in my area. Some churches in every denomination have moved toward inclusiveness, The Presbyterian church is a good example of this.

These are a few that I am aware of. Are there others? I will continue to look for a a church home I can be open in and with.

Hook Up at a RETREAT!?? A New Experience

Well I have not blogged anything of real substance in sometime. There is one experience I want to share. Sorry if this is verbose, I want to explain the context.

Back in late October I attended a staff retreat that combined the our department staffs of three Hospitals. Our bosses were there as well as two VP's. What an occasion. We went out of town to a retreat center in Richmond. Quite a drive for a one day retreat! At this center there were other groups meeting, it is a Christian retreat center and a place known for focus on prayer, prayer for the city, nation, world. a place with a focus on the needs of the total person.

The staff of this center comprise different denominations including the Metropolitan Community Church! I was pleased with that. The retreat went very well and met a need in each one who attended.

My Experience, I noticed this cute guy as I walked down the hall to our meeting room and said hello as we passed. There was something about him the registered in my "gaydar" . I saw him another time in the coffee room as well, he was in a group meeting in the next room from us.

Well after lunch we had some free time to wander the grounds, pray, reflect and so forth. toward the end of that time I was coming down the hall near our room. There was no one else around, and this guy came up to me invading "my space" said hello. Then turned into the bathroom!

Well the invitation was clear to me, and I thought about following him. However, I stopped myself. First of all the idea of a public rest room scares me, Not my way of meeting a potential boyfriend. I have a friend who was arrested doing that. (not that would happen in a private place like this)Then there was the issue of time and place, I was on the clock, at a retreat with coworkers, and administrators. The what ifs ran through my mind. So I went on down the hall.

I wish now I had the opportunity to talk with him and maybe set up a date for another time.
It runs through my mind could he have been someone special in my life? Or am I being overly optimistic? When I got home, I went on Craig's list under missed connections and posted a message in the hope he would see it. There has not been any response.

Actually that is the first time anything quite like that has happened to me. It was a new experience, but I a paranoid person. Not just the possible "outing" but the consequences. or am I missing something?

My confession of Faith Part 1

Preface: In reality faith is very simple; it’s what one believes in his or her heart. We humans make it much more complicated than it really is. Often we try to add this or that to the Gospel, and faith as a requirement. As a Christian gay it is more prevalent. I have heard oh all gay people are doomed to hell just for being gay. I will deal with this more when I confess what I believe about Salvation. I come from a conservative Baptist background, where the only thing I heard about being gay was negative. Also there was a narrow view of Scripture and its interpretation. Free thought and personal exploration were not encouraged. However, in my early teens I had a pastor who taught us to go to the Scripture ourselves and examine it under the guidance of the Holy Spirit and test what he was teaching. That was a beginning. My current pastor (again a Baptist church) has taught me to be ecumenical, to work with folk from other denominations. This helped me when I began work in my chaplain ministry. This background was both a hindrance and in some ways a help to my journey out of the closet. Since beginning my coming out process, my rainbow fish journey; I have found my theology has changed to be more open and accepting of others beliefs. Perhaps that is the biggest most important change. An instance of this is a Lutheran friend of mine nick named me her liturgical Baptist friend. I am very liturgical in my ministry; again my current pastor had a lot to do with this. This has led me to write this confession to define what I believe and perhaps identify ways it has changed. Perhaps a better way to say it I began to own and better understand my faith. I am coming to the point in my journey where I need to make some decisions about my church affiliation. Up till now where I am has worked, I hope doing this confession will help me define where I need to be.

THE ESSENTIALS:
The Trinity: I believe there is one God in three persons, Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. The Trinity existed before the foundation for the world. They were present and active in creation. The Word of God, the Breath of God.

God: Is Father who is omniscient, ever present and powerful creator, sustainer of life. God Yahweh, Jehovah is on His throne in Heaven, in control of everything, over all, in all, through all. He all knowing, He is all powerful, righteous, Holy Father. He deserves all praise honor and glory. God the Father is the author of life, He is the author of love.

Son: Jesus Christ, Emmanuel, God with us. He is God incarnate, John 1:1 The Word became flesh and dwelt among us. Our Lord Jesus Christ was born of a virgin, lived, walked, and ministered on earth. He revealed Himself to sinful man and gave himself as the sacrifice for everyone’s sin. Which reconciles man with the Father. He died on the cross willingly was buried and on the third day rose victorious over sin, death and the grave. He revealed Himself risen Savior and ascended into heaven before the eyes of His disciples. Jesus Christ is now seated at the right hand of the Father in heaven as glorified Lord. There will come a day when every knee will bow and every tongue will confess that Jesus Christ is Lord. The wonderful thing is we have the opportunity to do that now in our life. We have the Choice.

Spirit: The Holy Spirit, the helper, the breath of God is the person of the trinity who indwells the believer at salvation. The Holy Spirit has the ministry of convicting of sin, and righteousness, leading, teaching. The Spirit empowers the believer to live a Christ like life. The Holy Spirit seals the believer for salvation. The Spirit empowers the application of the Scripture in the heart of the Believer. The Holy Spirit intercedes for us in our prayers. The Spirit guides us, speaks truth to our heart.
More later.

Same Sex Attraction Disorder???

Today I was watching an episode of Boston Legal, one of my favorite shows. One of the judges on the show was "diagnosed' by his minister as having SSAD, or Same Sex attraction disorder. I looked it up on the Internet and there is such a thing being purported. Nothing new I guess. It is not a medical term however, but a religious one. Its some groups way of explaining being gay as a spiritual decease, that can be overcome by prayer and discipline. Repairitive therapy I think they call it.

One point I have read in my research, that was mentioned in a court scene that in the 70's the American Psychological association does not consider homosexuality a disorder, or a choice.

As for me, nothing can change you from being who God wove you in your mother's womb to be. why is homosexuality so hated? even by the church who is supposed to represent God and His love? Something I guess I'll never understand. just like Homosexuality, I'll never understand it, but I must accept it.

Something I like about BL, they do make some good comments on social issues and current events that make good sense.