To LOVE "Tis A Fearful Thing

 

 

 

'Tis A Fearful Thing

'Tis a fearful thing

To love

What death can touch.

To love, to hope, to dream,

And oh, to lose.

A thing for fools, this,

Love,

But a holy thing,

To love what death can touch.

For your life has lived in me;

Your laugh once lifted me;

Your word was a gift to me.

To remember this brings painful joy.

‘Tis a human thing, love,

A holy thing,

To love

What death can touch.

(To love is a precious thing FF2013)

Judah Halevi, 11th C., Spain

Poet, Philosopher, Physician 

 

Happy Valentines Day, Evening

Another Valentines Day, oh wonderful.  Today has been an uneventful day.  The Hospital where I served my overnight shift last night , decorated the cafeteria with white and red table cloths.  They served wonderful chocolate treats. 

I hope you had a great day and your Valentine did something special for you!

 

Post Election 2012

Voting on the day. Well its all over! No more political ads!  Several things I want to sound off on about the election, first the long lines.  Knowing this is such an important election, plans should have been made to have more help at the polls, especially with checking voters in. Second, more voter machines would have helped as well. 

Now for the results.  I am very pleased that President Obama has been re-elected.  He most closely represents what I am looking for on tax and social issues especially.  I am pleased our state elected a democrat to Senate.  However, I am not pleased with the outcome of the House race, oh well I guess.  I had hoped for at least a closer split in the House, that the far right wing tea party people would have their wings clipped.  I feel they have contributed to the worsening gridlock we have in Congress. not sure how things will be in the near future, but time will tell.

It appears Virginia is now a 'Blue" state for the most part at least.

Gay Marriage:  Now the really big results for the Gay community!  Same Sex Marriage has been approved by popular vote referendum in two states!  I hope and think this represents changing in views of the general population. My roommate told me about an article he read where in the 90's many did not know a gay person, (reality check, they did not admit knowing a gay person)  In 2012 a large portion of the population says they have a gay friend or relative.  How times are changing, as Martha would say "Its a good thing" 

Lets keep our country, President, Congress and economy in our thoughts and prayers as they seek to lead and deal with issues we all face.

Monday Medley Dutty Love love say it

A Good Monday, today is Columbus Day, a holiday in many parts of the country.  I just finished a crazy shift. Sixteen hours of actual in house coverage and thirty-two hours of on call coverage.  Last night I was called 5 times, very little sleep.  I hope they change this weekend schedule!  Its ok at the smaller Hospitals but the place I was covering is ALWAYS very busy.

October is one of my favorite months, we are getting into the fall season, church bazaars are getting into full swing, its the time of year I enjoy antiquing the most.  However, this month is also my mother's birthday. The first since her death in January, so its a very poignant time for me.  I have a lot of thoughts and emotions swirling around which makes me more sensitive, and perhaps vulnerable.  I noted it last night in my work, I do not like feeling so raw emotionally myself in the midst of others crisis.  I feel I lacked the appropriate distance, to be the non anxious presence in the midst of their crisis.  There must be balance?

Today I want to share two songs, rather different, talking about different kinds of love. Just my feeling today.  I am finding how music helps get the feelings out, whether its sadness, anger, or whatever.  The beat, and  and words seem to help.     Hope you enjoy them..One of these songs is a repeat from a few months ago.  Just where I am today. ..

http://youtu.be/6giXgG6qQzo

http://youtu.be/xWCcW3A08Vc

That Relationship Thing: Unrequited Love (Revised)

There is someone in my life today who has been a good friend for a number of years.  He knew I am gay before I came to the place in my life where I accepted it.  He actually helped with some of my coming out.

He gave me support at a time in my life I needed it most. There is just one thing. At one point after I found peace to be who I am, I found myself falling in love with my friend. I fell hard for him too. At first, there was mutual attraction, but what I wanted he did not want. For a while it was very difficult and painful to deal with. Another friend helped me understand and find the skills to cope. In time I decided, our friendship was important to me and I wanted to keep this friend in my life. Those feelings remained under the surface for a period of time, but I worked to keep the bigger picture in my mind. Today he continues to be one of my closest friends. We love to laugh, shop, eat, and just enjoy each others company when we can. I still love him, but in a different way, he is family to me. Now I think the romance could ever be rekindled?  If things were to change, anything is possible.  Do I think it will ever happen?  I don't know. Am I waiting around for it to happen? No, that would be wrong.

My point in sharing this that love is what is important.  Those things done out of love, in a relationship of any type are what bond us together. For most I my life, by default, I was sheltered from the ups and downs of romance by my limited engagement. By a closeted existance.  Though through the coming out process, I had been on "dates"  there had never been anything serious up to this point. Now I had experienced a falling in love, and the disappointment that could happen. It was a life lesson.  What do I want? Who do I want to be and be with?  Not sure I have fully answered either of those question since I have discovered I am growing.  What I want tends to change as I grow.

What to share next?  Is this a date?
 

That Relationship Thing: Adendum to Romance

In the last post, I failed to address the relationships that are truly Monogamous.  Those who stay faithful to one another because of love, and commitment. There ARE those successful relationships in the gay community, we just don't hear too much about them because they work.  I have no idea what percentage of the LGBT community are in long term committed relationships of the type described above.

Any relationship, whether a close friendship, a love relationship takes work on both sides.  It takes communication, the ability to give and take, and so much more.  A follower of this blog has shared his story with me about what works in his marriage.  Love outweighs the road blocks, brings surprises, and makes the commitment work.  The key is Love.  Finding and keeping that kind of love is something worth working for.

Question: Does the love of my life truly exist? Or is love for now the reality?

Next post I plan to share some of my personal journey.


 

That Relationship Thing, Part I

This post has been rattling around in my mind and in Word for sometime now. Its long, in fact it will be broken into several posts not sure how many.Writing helps me get my thoughts and feelings out and expressed. Its been awhile since I posted anything about my personal goals, hope, or dream. Not sure this will be published in its entirety either. I still have hope for a long term relationship with a guy who will fall in love with me and I him. That will lead to a long term loving, and committed relationship. 

Interpersonal Relations
 There are many types of relationships we have in life, it does not matter who we are, or where we come from. Some relationships we choose, some we don't.  Those we don't choose are family, and coworkers,(other than the choice of a job) now on what level we relate with this group is up to us.  Some family we can be vulnerable with, others we dare not risk being vulnerable with. Its up to the individual how close one relates.

The Real friend
We have friends, those we consider acquaintances, those we consider friends, and those with whom we are very close. Often times our friends are known as the family we choose, especially those who stay with us through thick and thin. Who are willing to tell us what they think,  to tell us the truth regardless how we react. I am reminded of a proverb, "the wounds of a friend are faithful, the kisses of an enemy cause deceit and destruction" In other words they are free to take risks with us. We are free to take risks with them as well.  Both persons in this relationship benefit from the love and care of  a real friend. 

My Working Relationships
For me, my work situation, limits how vulnerable I can be. Indeed in the workplace it is wise to keep a certain distance from your customer.  My Coworkers directly in my department are in a situation where a certain amount of vulnerability goes with the territory. I have coworkers in my office who learned quite a bit about me over the years.  Some from clinical training days. They may suspect I am gay, but only 3 know for certain. Two are no longer working there, and they were in a position that was "easy" for them to suspect and or figure it out. One, my CPE supervisor told me "I read like a book" Still though my work is clinical, it is church related in a sense and therefore "don't ask, Don't tell is alive and well.

 In my work, I am charged with keeping confidentiality at the highest level possible. People tell me things.  It would be imprudent of me to allow myself to be too open.  Especially with regards to my sexuality. In some cases being too "out" can create a wall and hinder working with people. It can also cost a high price in terms of work opportunities, as I have recently experienced. I don't need to be vulnerable in those situations. Relationships in church are just like those in the workplace. One must be careful how vulnerable to be.

For me, I am blessed to have friends who Ilove and care about and who care about me.  The few who I can truly be myself with are also gay.  They pretty much know me, I can usually share and they tell me the truth straight up. I don't always listen, and have found that I should have. Could have saved me some heart ache, but I'm a hard headed bitch sometimes.  :)

Next Installment What about Romance?

Its All About Love

Love is patient, love is kind, is not jealous, love does not brag, is not arrogant, does not act unbecomingly, it does not seeks its own... Abide Faith, Hope, Love but the greatest of these is LOVE.
I Cor 13: 4,5,13.

The greatest most lasting thing in life is love. The love of a parent for a child, love between friends, romantic love, God's love for His created, the love God gives for us all.. True love does not propagate hate.  The hate that kills a group of people because they are "different." Hate that denies rights because one is "different."

The issue of Gay Marriage has been made to be a religious issue, a political issue, I believe a hate issue...religious bigotry and hate. Marriage is a human institution, God created man and woman, NOT the institution of marriage. 

The root of marriage is supposed to about LOVE and a commitment. If a same sex couple loves each other enough to want to make that type of official commitment...they should be able to. I thank God a couple gay or straight does have to be married to love and be committed to one another. Not being able to marry is not going to stop the commitment. its about a relationship.

I found a video i want to share, its not about gay marriage but what god's love and faith are supposed to be about.

http://youtu.be/3YXINEYdnkY

Love is about relationship, God's love is about a relationship with Him.  Not a set of rules to follow, or a particular organized group to belong to.  Its about LOVE

Chicken and Gay Marriage

Well since I posted my thoughts about Chik Fil A (CFA) seems more has been publicised about the CEO's comments.  There are protests of support and counter protests. In certain parts of the south, folks have responded to a call to show support for CFA, others have responded to a call to counter protest.  In Atlanta its known as the kissing protest.  I am not aware of very large crowds in the CFA's around here.  Though news reports stated business as brisk. There are no reports thus far of counter protests at local stores. RATS, I was hoping there would be a show of support reported around here for gay marriage.

As for me, I have not bought anything from CFA since the statement was made. Partly protest, partly other reasons. A comment was made on my last post (see Eat More Chikin 07/29) about CFA's financial support of legislation against equality. That was very true.  So why should I spend my hard earned dollar with a company that is using that dollar to support groups that lobby for laws that limit my rights as a gay man? 

I have decided  to forgo my weekly  run to CFA for the foreseeable future. I will spend that part of my self care dollar elsewhere. I don't think I can enjoy a CFA meal again anytime soon.

No one should be forced into a corner over another persons belief system! No one should have religion in any form shoved  (excuse me) legislated down their throat.  THIS IS THE UNITED STATES AFTER ALL!!!  Its 2012, we have blended families, married, not married, what constitutes a family has been redefined. A group of friends living together is a family, Extended family living together is a family (unit) and I could go on.

If any couple gay, str8, or whatever love each other enough to make a marriage kind of commitment, be it civil or religious why stop them?  The far right tea party group (and those like them) is creating an atmosphere of fear, hate, more fear and hate. I hope the silent majority will soon speak up and out. Especially get out and vote!

Wow I am meandering on about this issue.  I invite you to comment, (with civility) I also invite you to join me in spending your Chicken dollars elsewhere. Perhaps one day I will be able to legally marry and have it accepted in all 50 states. At least that is my hope, if not for this generation or my life time, but for those in the future.

By the way, legal marriage is a  creation of man.  Creator God did not create the human institution of marriage with all its earthly responsibilities, commitments, and benefits.

Lets Talk About Sex...Survey

Several months ago I took part in an online survey by OUT magazine and Gay.net.  It was a survey about sex, first I wanted to see what kind of questions they asked.  Then I decided to respond with my views, I don't put too much stock in survey results because they often are skewed.  Well they have released the results of that survey and I thought I would highlight some points I find interesting here.
I did not see any data about the average age of the respondants.

There were 13300 respondants

Who took it:  88% gay,
10% bisexual,
1% were questioning,
Of respondants 5 were straight, 4 were lesbian.

Relationship status, 59% are not currently in a relationship
55% are single (I wonder a breakdown by age group?)
25% have a parnter/husband (again age group)
12 % have a boy/ girl friend
7% are dating

Coming Out
31% between 18-22
13% 23-26
13% 30+
17% 13-17
17% still have not

Sexual role
52% are Versatile
28% Bottom
20% Top

Now the survey also covered questions about intimacy which I don't care to report. I don't recall questions concerning communication in relationships, or about safe sex.   A question I wish they had asked, is about fidelity in relationships.  I would like to see something about this, even though not sure I believe a lot of survey results.  Anyway I thought this was interesting.