Changes

Wow has it been that long since my last post? So much has occurred in my life since February! I will be sharing some of it here in the near future. I recall several posts where I said the "never" word. Well I should know by now you never say never! I will share more about that later too. It seems when you say never our Lord says Really... my plan for you includes the never item. God surely has a sense of humor!

Its has been a time of uncertainty, my path obscured by my thoughts, fears, misconceptions. They do get in the way! My how God opens things up when we surrender and whoosh its done. I truly stand amazed in the presence! I am in a different place now. Still adjusting

I will share more when there is time to write.

Haiti "Orphan" Questions

The news report stated that the ten Baptist mission people were taking orphans across the border to a safe place. The news also showed these missionaries in jail, which one quoted Scripture in chains for Christ. I hardly agree. Sounds to me like they went around the street picking up children, not getting them from an official orphanage, not only that but they failed to follow official channels and regulations for taking the children over the border. That is just wrong! I don't question the motives, but ignorance of the procedures, lack of planning, not following regulations is no excuse.

Mission organizations normally do a good job of navigating the regulatory process. This is just stupid. At least that's what I think about it all. I hope this won't impede other good mission organizations from making a true difference.

Winter Saga Continues

I did not drive anywhere over the weekend. I tried to find a ride to the Hospital yesterday to no avail. we worked it out though, two who lived close to each facility covered on call, I was the clearing house. All calls came through me, if it met the criteria then I passed it on.

Today its warmer melting a lot but not enough. I'm afraid it will just refreeze tonight. so the sage continues. We may get a wintery mix tomorrow, I pray not, let it be warmer and be rain O Lord.

Oh I'm thinking about starting a separate blog just to write about my search for a boyfriend. I might do that.

It SNOWED

Well I awoke at 03;30 this morning and looked out. No snow. When I awoke and looked out the ground was covered! We have around 7 to 8 inches on the ground. Its exciting and fun. I did not expect the forecast to work out, I hope we get enough that people are not expected to be on the roads.
Its very dangerous, I have never driven on snow and don't plan on it now. people around here drive like there is no snow, ice, or rain. They are NUTS! I canceled the service at the assisted living, but I'm supposed to be on call tomorrow night. I'm nervous about that.

I did go out and walk around, it was cold, wet but pretty. The snow makes it very quiet, but it has stopped now, RATS. I want it to snow enough so the Governor will declare a curfew and not allow people on the roads.

We shall see.

Snow Update

Well weekend classes at the local colleges and universities are canceled for the weekend. Many of the weekend activities planned, like a fundraiser for Haiti, sporting events, ect have all been postponed. People have crowded the stores and bought up supplies.

All this and there is NOT a flake in the sky!!

So I expect snow on the ground when I get up in the morning.

Big Question: Is it gonna SNOW?

Ok at least its the big question in theses parts. They predict snow then it either rains or it does nothing at all. All week the weather people have been saying this is going to be a snow EVENT??? What does THAT mean??? We average maybe an inch of snow a year around here, lots of times it turns to ice... I hate ice except in my tea. an inch of snow shuts this town down!

Today, Ive heard we are getting between 2 inches and a foot of snow. A foot of snow is a lot for this area. earlier in the week it got up to 70 degrees! now we are getting up to a foot of snow? Another thing the robin birds are back, its early this year. a foot of snow?

All my life I've heard if you don't like the weather in Tidewater, wait five minutes and it will change. This should be an interesting weekend!

Oh one other thing, a friend and I went shopping last night, i need a new umbrella, I found one I was tempted to buy. A rainbow one. My friend asked if I was gonna buy it, then asked if I would use it. he was worried that I would..use it. He is concerned about the places I go using a rainbow umbrella, concerned I would out myself to the wrong person, and or be bashed. I was still tempted to buy it.

The Path Less Taken

A friend of mine did the most incredibly courageous thing yesterday. I am so proud of him, he has worked toward this for so long. I am reminded that God directs our steps as we follow Him, how awesome our God truly is! He lights our path. No two people travel the exact same paths, similar yet different. Ours as Christians is a path less traveled, as a Christian gay the path is different. Faith in the most High God and His son Jesus Christ is what light the path. Its the key. Hope in Christ sustains us, love nurtures us. Faith, Hope Love, the greatest is love, it never dies.

Car Issues Resolved

Just a quick post to say Praise God and to say thank you to anyone who prayed. I traded my Taurus in for an 07 Nissan Versa 4 door hatch back. it has low miles and a warranty. i was financed! I have to get used to driving it, and where things are on it. I thought I was turning on the lights but was turning on the windshield wipers instead. lol.


This car get 35 miles to the gallon, which is good with all the driving I do. My wagon got 19 miles to the gallon. That savings helps me make the car payment. They said they are going to junk the Taurus, it served its purpose and served me well. after all I got 175600 miles out of it. It got me to and from the Hospital at all hours of the day and night.

Again I Praise God, Thank God and thank you for your prayer support. God does make a way when we walk by faith!

Confession Time

Some plans for this year, I going to write a series of posts on the plan of action. 2010 is for refocusing and accomplishing. It will be looking to education/ professional growth, spiritual growth, Health/fitness, financial. Anything else that comes up along the way.

First, my car is still an issue, I've decided to try and trade it, if I can get financing. If not, I will take it to another repair shop and see what can be worked out. In the meantime I'm driving it only for work, and praying. I pray our Lord shows me the way and gives me strength and courage to go that way. God will make a way, He always does! He is my provider.

Confession time: Along with the plans I'm trying to make, I recognize a need in my life not to allow uncertainty, fear, finances or opinion to deter me from what I sense is God's direction for my life. Its part of a big reason I have not accomplished what I feel I should have by now. Its a big part of why I did not begin to deal with my sexuality until I was in near forty! Its result is standing still doing nothing. That has to stop! Faith is the key to follow God's direction.

I grew up fearing the what if's, fearing life! I thought I overcame that; until the last few years I had. Now its crept back in and its result where I'm am today, not risking, not living. Yet in many ways I am a risk taker. In these same years I came out after all. I found my voice, yet at times I'm still afraid to use it! I should go back to counseling to talk about these issues. I will this year as God provides.

2010 The Year Ahead

First, moving forward in my education and professional life is at the forefront of my mind for this year. I want to make real progress toward my degree and have something completed by years end.

Its time for me to be certified for Bereavement with the Association of Death Education and Counseling (ADEC), I put it off too long thinking I "need" a degree to do that. So the next exam is in November. Until then I have to work on the remaining CEU's I need. They require 60 I have 45, I'm either going to take a college course (3 credit = 45 ceu's) or take a seminar that is in February and then a series of courses online with the Hospice College. I have to plan for this both in academic preparation and financial preparation.

Certification will be a plus with opportunities for added hours leading support groups and memorials. It may even open a door for a Bereavement Coordinator position with a Hospice or some such organization. Its really so simple, I should have done it long ago.

In addition, I want to take the Miller Analogies Test, there are two testing sites locally, I just have to find out when and how much it cost so I can prepare for it as well. This will help me get into the graduate programs I hope to start. I feel led to apply for admission to a Master of Theology at St. Leo University. I have written about this before. Its not the M.Div, its much shorter, I have not accomplished much of anything toward that degree. I think it shows its time to take another route. Counseling is still a goal, but the theology program needs to be first.

I am praying for the Lord's direction in my financial life. A plan for giving, saving, paying. I want to house to be in order in 2010. I may write more about that later.

My new car runs well, I drove all weekend and only used a half a tank of gas. Very Good.

The Car

The original plan for this post was to be my plan of action for 2010. However, something more pressing has come up. You see I own a 2001 Taurus wagon that has 175,000 miles on it. It has been a very good dependable car, I have no complaints. I live in an area where a dependable car is essential for getting to and from anywhere. We have a very poor public transportation system.

In 2007 I had to replace a gasket which cost $1200. In 2008 I had another $600 repair, in the fall of 2009 I had another $700 repair. Now just a few months later it appears I need to spend another $700 for a water pump, and pulley and some other thing. The shop did not give me a written estimate. Which is fishy to me. This time I do not have the $700, I applied for one of those 90 days same as cash things but was declined. When I told the shop I could not do anything today they told me they did not recommend me driving the car. It scared me, I DEPEND on my car! As I look back on it I wonder if it was not just a scare tactic? Or could it be real.

As I prayed about this today I am not sure I should put anymore money like that in this car. I have been feeling its time to replace it with a newer model. At least new to me.

Here is my dilemma, I am giving serious consideration to filing bankruptcy, chapter 7. I am considering this to protect my income, my rent, utility payments, food gas and such. I now see that continuing to try and pay off my creditors which I have fallen behind on, which has made the debt higher, appears to be throwing good money after bad. Money that has been reduced due to reduced hours. I fear I may need protection from the financial jackals if you will. I have even reduced what I give to the Lord's work and save for emergencies, which I am feeling convicted and conflicted about, to pay on these credit cards. Cards which I might add I have NOT used in several years. I don't use credit cards anymore.

How will the purchase of another vehicle impact this potential filing? even if I can get another vehicle. I don't want to do anything wrong or lose the newer car with no way of replacing it.

I am praying this through and seeking wisdom. If you read this and are a person of faith please pray for me to know the right direction to go. If you have any words of wisdom I am open to hear it. I never thought I would ever be in a predicament of this kind. I am reaping the fruit of unwise decisions and don't want to go there again!

thanks and God Bless.

2009 Reflection

Here it is already the 5th of January and I'm just getting around to writing my reflection on the last year!

2009 was the best and worst of times in my life. Best in that I was able to grow in my spirituality and grow so much more comfortable in my sexuality. Peace with God and myself in this area grew amazingly. In 2009 our Lord enabled me to keep my two jobs, and grow my experience in the Hospital ministry to where I feel I am truly making a difference in many ways. In keeping the jobs I was also enabled to keep a roof over my head, heat, light, food and keep a car on the road.

2009 was the worst of times in that I had my hours in one job cut in half. This has made things tenuous at times down right scary! I was not able to secure alternate employment, not even in retail or substitution. Things are truly hard all over. Financially, the year saw the erosion of my savings. Money that was supposed to go for education expenses. It also saw me become behind in credit payments. This is an issue that must be dealt with in 2010. More on that later.

I'm glad we are in a new year, gives a chance for fresh thinking and direction.
HAPPY NEW YEAR