The Morning After Halloween

My Halloween was uneventful, nothing exciting happened about it at all. I was not home during the trick or treating hours, nor was my roommate, so I don't know if anyone attempted to knock on our door. No lights should have indicated not to, but you never know.  Today and tomorrow are known as All Saints and All Souls day in the Christian calendar.  Observed primarily by Catholic and Anglican churches, these days have grown to be observed by many in Protestant churches as well. 

These two days All Saints is known as a feast to remember those who attained "Sainthood" though many protestant churches recognize any Baptized believer as a saint.  All Souls is to remember anyone who died.  Now this is not meant to be an authoritative definition but just my understanding, and serves to help make my point today. These two days are set aside as a special time to remember those we love who have died.  Some churches do this at different times during the year, some have blue Christmas service to help folk cope with grief through the Holidays. My individual  church does this as part of the annual Memorial day service where a rose is placed on the alter by a family member of a deceased member. In addition to giving tribute to those who died serving our country. 

This year it seems, has been one loss after another for me and my family. I don't recall a time in my life when I have experienced loss in scope or frequency as I have this year. Each loss seems to magnify the other. One part of grief is the recognition that love does not end when the person loved is gone.  The Bible confirms this in I Corinthians 13:13, "Now faith, hope, love abide, but the greatest of these is love" some translations have is as love abides forever. Love changes over time I think, for instance I have a friend for whom I had romantic feelings in the past that he did not have for me.  There was a grief but I still wanted him in my life as my friend, I still love him but differently.  The love I have for him now is returned by him. 

In the same way, my love for my mother is still there but different now.  There is a sadness attached a bitter sweetness. I wonder how that will change as time passes? I look forward to the days ahead, as my grief heals and changes to the new normal I have read about and share with others who grieve.

Thanks for reading.



 

Halloween 2012

Though I have not really celebrated Halloween in years, I don't view it as I once did. Its a fun night for the children,  there is nothing inherently evil about the day.  Which some fundamental to conservative folk think exists. They need to study and consider Christian heritage and tradition surrounding both Halloween and All Saints Day. Last year was the first time in a long time I gave out candy, and that was at the church Trunk or Treat.  At home home I don't and won't this year either.  Its not like I have children or know the families in the neighborhood.   This will be a different Halloween for many in the northeast, some communities will reschedule the trick or treating due to the storm damage.  I heard on the news this morning New York Gov. Cuomo said he would sign an order to reschedule trick or treating, and quipped to Election day. LOL!

This year, my thoughts turn to the memories of my childhood Halloween celebrations.  It was always a lot of fun choosing a costume, picking a pumpkin, carving said pumpkin.  I recall the first year I was too old for trick or treating, my sister and I set up the record player and played spooky music out the window for all those who came to our house. Those are good memories. 

In observance of Halloween this blogger shares the images and music below


http://youtu.be/aOPeJuvLJYs

http://youtu.be/25LBTSUEU0A

 

 

 

Sandy Is Moving On

Well today the worst of Sandy seems to be over for us here in southeast Virginia.  I think people here did the wise thing in closing schools and workplaces to keep people off the road. We had mostly rain and flooding in our area. the high tide was over 6 feet above normal so flooding was not as bad as it could have been.  I hope people impacted by this storm all up the eastcoast can recover quickly and move on with their lives. We can never underestimate the power of these storms to wreak havoc on our lives.

Keep praying for those effected by the storm. hope for clear skies!

Monday Medley: Storm Edition

It is my prayer and hope that all in the path of this storm be where they are safe from its harm.  I also pray for its strength and effect to deminish as it moves closer to shore, or that it veer to the east and out to sea. For today I thought I would post some calming music to help soothe during this time. Be safe, Be strong, make wise choices during the storm and the days following.


http://youtu.be/oDtQgmHIyAQ

 

Log Cabin Republicans

Recently the Log Cabin Republicans formerly endorsed Mitt Romney.

Log Cabin Republicans are a group in the republican party who identify themselves as both gay and republican.  Now this being America, anyone is entitled to believe what they want, live how they want, support whatever political platform which suits them. Many have served, fought, and died to ensure this right. I would never deny anyone their rights.  Much the same as I would not want anyone to deny mine as well.  now before I was fully out of the closet, I most often voted republican, and publicly supported the party platform.  However, since those days, the republican platform has moved so much farther to the right, I would not be able to support even if I were still of the mentality I was in the closet.

That being said, I would like to ask, and offer a possible answer as to, how can a gay person actively support a political platform, an ideology that denies his or her rights? That makes one a second class citizen,  a scapegoat if you will?   First, its the choice of the person, for whatever reason. I would like to suggest for some money plays a big role.  Their platform of lower taxes,  fewer regulations on those who make millions of dollars; far outweighs the negative impact of their social agenda on the gay community. On other groups such a equal pay for women, workers rights, consumer rights and protections.

Although I generally vote for the person and not party, increasingly I find myself voting party lines due to the rigidity of the far right republican party.  This is why there is the kind of in civility,and severe gridlock we have in Congress. I hope and pray, our nation goes to the polls this election day and votes in people who will do what is right for the country as a whole and not just for their platform or ideology.

Cooking With Gas!

Having never lived anywhere with gas for heat or cooking, this apartment is a new experience for me. We have a gas stove that is old.  It has two settings, high and off LOL.  To regulate the heat, I have to remove the pan and watch to make sure the flame does not go out.  The other day, I was cooking some meat and the flame went out on me twice, so I set it slightly higher. The pan got very hot, and when I flipped the meat over, there was so much smoke it set the fire alarm off!  I turned the flame off and had to open the windows, the door  ect along with having the range top fan on full. I ended up finishing the meat in the microwave.  In the future I will use my George Foreman Grill. Thus far, I have not used the oven and want do some baking as the Holidays approach. Plus I prefer baked chicken, fish and meats as opposed to fried.  So I'm going to try my hand at the oven.  I told my roommate this, he chuckled and just don't blow the place up! haha! So in the next few days I'm gonna attempt to bake some chicken in the oven. I found a lamb shank steak I want to roast, but don't want that to my first attempt at using the oven. It will be sometime soon though, using my mother's recipe and making the gravy.  I did this for Christmas last year and it turned out very well, the gravy reminded me of what my mother used to make! Imagine that, and I cooked it!  I hope I can do that again. 

Wish me luck!

 

Monday Medley: Mellow Mood

For me today is a thank God its Monday day! LOL. I'm tired, I worked three nights in a row on call and had calls two of those nights.  Plus two eight plus hour rather hectic day shifts.  Sometimes the pager is unrelenting, and I run from situation to crisis and back again.   I can't say my work is "fun" but its rarely boring.  Except for many hours  on call waiting for the pager to sound off. I sometimes think about doing something different, that gives me more of a life outside work, something that when I say what I do, does not turn other gay men off.  but what?   My work can be incredibly satisfying. Though, I have to say, I wish I had this past weekend off to focus on my self care after the news Friday night of my aunt's death. Shortly after hearing the news, I had to answer a page to a crisis.  It was hard for me, looking back, I should have called the Admin on call for help.  Same thing with my two back to back 24 hour shifts. you would think that by now I would have learned to say help and no!  Just glad its behind me now.

Anyway, today is a day to enjoy, relax, it's sunny, cool-ish.  A day relax, do something fun.  if I only had a boyfriend to cuddle with!

In light of today's mood I have selected a long set of relaxing music. About 55 minutes worth, Hope you enjoy it let it wash over you.

 http://youtu.be/QvsW-BmFAE8I

In Memoriam

Tonight I had a phone call, my Aunt Denyse passed away this afternoon. She was 87, 10 years younger than my mother.  For her it was sudden and quick, for us it is sad. Though she lived a good life, was active till the very end.  Its the end of an era for my family.  Though I was not close to my Aunt, she was the one of my Mother's siblings I related with the best. For the most part, I have good memories of her.

This has been a difficult year so far, for a number of reasons. The thought went through my mind what else is going to happen? In my heart I know whatever tomorrow brings I am not alone, I have those around me who care, and I have faith that I know the one who holds tomorrow.  as my mother would say, "we must soldier on." 

That is what I will endeavor to do...soldier on.

                                                                 Denyse Morrow
                                                                    1925-2012
                                                                              

  

A Victory For Same Sex Marriage

When victories occur for the gay community its nice to pause and consider the implications.  I am referring to the NY Court decision declaring DOMA unconstitutional.  The difference with this decision is the fact that a federal judge appointed years ago by a conservative President, wrote basically the gay community has been and is being discriminated against.  That this law discriminates against a segment of american society which has rights under the constitution.  This is significant to for those of us who have the hope of one day being able to legally marry in this nation.
 
Will I see the day when same sex marriage is not rejected?  I don't know, but I have a glimmer of hope. Of course if I ever find one I want to marry, we could go to a state, or nation where our marriage is accepted. 
Sign me hopeful but realistic.

Monday Medley:Chris Brown

Today I have selected two songs by Chris Brown that I like the beat and music.  Forever,  has been used as a wedding march, the first time I heard this song was in a club. the second Yeah x 3, I like the beat, and the music hope you enjoy them.  Have a great Monday!



http://youtu.be/5sMKX22BHeE

http://youtu.be/3mC2ixOAivA

Come out Come Out Where ever You Are!!

In honor of National Coming out Day, Won't you take the bold freeing step out and be yourself?  Know YOUR truth...Claim your Voice!

At least acknowledge it to yourself for yourself that is a first step.  John 8:32 "You shall know the TRUTH and the truth shall set you FREE" 

Choose wisely who you acknowledge this too. Not everyone will be accepting. Those who truly love you will accept you.

The most important thing is to be YOU. be comfortable in your own skin, find peace. 

I found peace when I accepted me the way God made me!

Open that door let the light shine in.

A link to It Gets better . org

http://www.itgetsbetter.org/video/

Hate Mail...Really?

From the beginning of my very first blog post I knew I might draw negative comments from time to time.  Which I have, and I do not post those unless it adds something to think about. Its one thing to disagree, express your opinion, but totally another to be disagreeable and express hatred.  Those kinds of comments are always deleted, never posted. Especially when its from an anonymous source!  If your going to leave a hateful comment at least have the guts (I really wanna say balls) to own your words.   Sometimes its an email, I do not respond to these as there is no room for dialogue. It would accomplish nothing. 

The series of posts on relationships I just completed, has elicited a few responses mostly positive emails, but a couple of negative and down right hateful comments. Now I welcome all comments, I enjoy the dialogue with people.  Sometimes I hear a viewpoint that helps me greatly or at least gives me something to think about.   I draw the line at hate mail, I will not listen to or dignify with a response someone calling me or people who might read this blog names, and telling me I am cursed. Or that I need to repent, and receive healing, seek "re-parative therapy".    One asked how someone like me can do the work I do without bringing condemnation to everyone I meet. There is no room in my life for hate. These from folk who call themselves christian. I won't judge you as you have judged me. God is our judge, and I resist the urge to preach at you through this blog, but I ask you how is that bearing fruit for the Lord and making a difference in a life? How is that edifying? The Scripture says "you shall know them by their LOVE"

My relationship posts talk about love, its often a thread of commonality that runs through the kinds of relationships I spoke about.  Love is created by God, God is love, not hate.

Well enough said about this, I could write more but I will save that for my journal.  I like my posts to be about positive things or at least how I'm dealing with negative aspects of this life.

Again I welcome your comments and emails, I enjoy the dialogue.  If you have some positive insight or a question please submit a comment or email.