October 29

Today is October 29, a day just like any other except today would have been my father's birthday. Oct 29, 1897 he would have been 113. He died suddenly April 9th 1976. A lot of thoughts going through my mind today, about life, goals, family, hopes, and some fear as well. Fear of what might happen, or what might not happen that I hope will happen. I know I'm vague but don't want to be specific, I can't really put it into words.

Faith is what is important to me on days like today. I don't know what the future holds for me, but I know the one who holds my future. Jer 29:11 "I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord, Plans not for calamity but for your welfare to give you a future and a hope"

A Great Project

The It Gets Better video project is a great and amazing project. I listened to a number of the videos I noticed the number and range of people participating is of a wide variety. The President, Secretary of State, religious leaders from differing backgrounds, including Gene Robinson. Then there are the regular folks who are willing to share their stories of how it gets better. All in an effort to give hope and encouragement to anyone struggling with their sexuality, and thinking of harming themselves.

you can view them at http://www.youtube.com/user/itgetsbetterproject#p/f/571/zpOq1HMDQKw or Google "it gets better if that does not work"

I struggled for years, but thankfully never got to the place where I considered harming myself. When I finally did get to the place where I accepted myself, the peace I experienced is indescribable. It truly does get better.

There will always be tyrants, and bullies, but we can change how we allow them to impact us. Perhaps one day gay bashing in any form will become a hate crime in every state and locality.

Crazy Politics

In yesterday's newspaper there was a small article about the republican congressional candidate in Dallas Texas. Stephen Broden, a local Pastor running for the seat, made the statement on T.V. that if the election did not produce a change in leadership he would not rule out the violent overthrow of the government as an option. WHAT??? This is the United States, we don't do that here. We have a system of elections, all people have to do to change the government is get out and vote for their candidate. That has to be the most anti-democracy statement I have heard from a candidate running for congress. That is the same kind of extremism as the Taliban. So if you don't like the leadership, the election does not go your way, you can violently overthrow them? What about the majority who voted? There is a very vocal minority who is trying to push its will on people based on religious or political beliefs. We ALL don't believe the same way. Its our right.

I certainly hope this person does not get elected. Just what our country does not need in my opinion.

What about Tolerance?

What about tolerance? I used to think that in order to be tolerant I had to compromise my belief. How wrong I was! Tolerance is about accepting, working with, and assisting a person as they are, where they are. It appears society is becoming more and more intolerant. Much of this intolerance exists along the lines of religion, and sexual orientation. Consider a small church pastor being thrust on the world stage for his threat to burn the sacred book of another faith group. Consider the volatile minority of a faith group in its persecution of women, and people who do not belong or fit their mold. Recently there was the brutal attack on a homosexual person, at the same time a political candidate articulating what I consider to be hate toward the homosexual community. We have a political group vocalizing fear, anger, and again I think hate. This list could go on and on.

Where is tolerance? This is the 21st century after all. My growth both spiritual and personal occurred when I learned to accept myself the way God made me. Then I became open and accepting of people whoever they are. Additionally my work in the Hospital greatly helped me grow. Now I am a reformed Christian, or in the words of a Biblical scholar reformed and being reformed. I suggest that if folk would look beyond themselves and their group and think through what they believe and why. Perhaps find a way to accept something about them-selves. They might be more open, and perhaps find more peace and satisfaction in life.

A Code and a Crisis

Recently, I responded to a code blue in the ER. I never know what I'm walking into when the pager goes off. I walked into the room where the patient was, everything seemed "normal" for a code. The staff was busy caring for the patient, doing the work they do. Suddenly outside the room a colleague was frantically wanting to enter. I had to restrain this person. That is when I heard who the patient was.

One look confirmed the patient was one of our own...I knew the patient. This is not the first time this has happened over the years, and it wont be the last. The patient was young, vibrant, with young children. I spent hours with family, several coworkers, and doctors came by. This community pulls together and supports one another in the moment of need yet,we must put off dealing with our own issues. After all its the ER, there is always the next patient who needs us. The hardest was helping family try to explain to the children why "mommy wont wake up"

The Hospital had a memorial service in the chapel, and did a Critical Incidence debriefing as well. Its seems like everything should stop, at least pause for a moment to reflect. The reality is life keeps moving and we keep moving with it. Yet circumstance and our body and spirit demands we pay attention to our emotions, our health, our spirit. If not how can we be there for others?

In memoriam.

My Theology: A Word about Confession and Sanctification

Confession is good for the soul is a popular saying. However, it is also very true. there are three types of confession in my life. Confessing my faith, as found in the Book of Confessions, that is confessing what I believe about God, Jesus Christ. Who God is, Father, Creator. It is also confessing my needs, my dependence on God. Then there is confession of sin. Its not confessing in order to be forgiven; rather its confession agreeing with God what he already knows about me. forgiveness of God for my sin has already been given by the grace of God. Confession is only agreeing with God and receiving forgiveness already given. No part of anything I do earns God's favor. God is sovereign and he gives forgiveness to on the basis of his grace. Not on the basis of anything I do or confess. A good example is Isiah 6. The prophet, experiences God, his response is to bow down and confess his sin, his need. God gives forgiveness. The fact that the prophet was in the presence of God is by God's sovereign plan. The prophet's response is to surrender to God's call and plan. Sanctification is our response to god's grace, a process of living a life forgiven and fulfilling God's purpose and will for each of us. Soli Deo Gloria!

My Theology: Grace

Next I need to tackle the issue of forgiveness, grace and salvation. In some Christian circles it is taught that the homosexual has no place in God's kingdom. either by being or living. The teaches there must be complete repentance and abandonment of anything to do with one's "forbidden" sexuality. Often therapy to change a person from gay to straight if offered or in some cases demanded. I do not want this writing to become a commentary on those beliefs and practices. Rather I am setting forth what I believe, what I have learned through the leading of the Holy Spirit.

Therefore, I have to state, the only thing that separates us from God is sin. The only thing that separates one eternally from God; is rejecting God's offer of salvation by grace through Jesus Christ. Romans 8:1, tells us once one is in Christ, “there is now no condemnation”. Further, Ephesians 2: 8-9 teaches that “For by grace you have been saved through faith; and that not of yourselves, it is the gift of God; and that not as a result of works that no one should boast.”

To say otherwise means that God's grace, the work of Christ on the cross is not sufficient. To say that would mean our God is not as sovereign as we say he is. This is not the truth or the power of God I have experienced in my life. Jesus spoke as recorded in John 14:6a, and said "He is the way the truth and life. The Bible also states in John 8:32 "you shall know the truth and the truth shall set you free". The there is Romans 10:9-10, which very clearly state that if one hears, believes and responds he or she is redeemed. So this speaks to me that God's grace covers each person according to their need of grace. The who so ever will receive will be received. When we are received we are sealed with the Holy Spirit according to Eph 1:13. What Jehovah Tsidkenu does is for eternity.

My Theology: Born this way

The question I wanted an answer for, that I sought to understand is; where does homosexuality come from? Is it a choice? Is it learned? Or is it something more basic like in the DNA that makes us?

First, I can say without any doubt in my mind and heart that homosexuality in NOT a choice. Think of it, who would choose to be someone that is discriminated against? That is thought of by many as “contrary to nature”? Who would choose not to have the right to marry the one he or she loves? In many sectors of society be looked down upon? Who? Plus if there were a choice one could choose not to, and change. There is scientific data which I am told shows same sex attraction is not learned or chosen. It is in one’s make up. It’s a chromosome gene.

Why? What is the purpose? That is a question for which I have no answer other than through the eyes of my faith to say… the Sovereignty of God. It’s a God thing.

Two places in the Old Testament come to mind when thinking of this. First, Jeremiah 1:5a which states “Before I formed you in the womb I knew you. And before you were born I consecrated you” Not trying to be out of context, I must note this is referring to Jeremiah’s call to ministry. However, it also shows us how God the father knows us and he is active in our creation. In forming us; and knowing us.

Further, Psalm 139 in its entirety. The first portion talks about God’s knowledge of us, verse 1, “Lord you have searched me and known me” verse 2b, “You understand my thoughts from afar” The in verse 3 “You are intimately acquainted with all my ways” Wow! The passage goes on to describe how God knows us, there is no place on earth we can go to escape the gaze of God or his knowledge of us.

In verse 13 the Psalmist writes, “For you formed inmost parts; you wove me in my mother’s womb.” This is the most compelling point for me when the scripture states that the God of the universe formed my inmost parts, wove me. Couple that with the verse from Jeremiah, and I understand better. God formed, made, molded my inmost parts would include my DNA, the chromosome gene, my personality, my gifting and ability, and my sexuality. In his Sovereign knowledge of me God knew from the very beginning I would be gay. He placed the substance there in me that would make me who I am.

To say God the father would not do that or could not do that is to say God the father is not as is Sovereign as we say he is. I believe by faith that God created me gay, that I was born to be a Christian gay and consecrated from the womb to the work I do. Gay or straight, I believe the same is true for you too.

My Theology Lev 20:13

There are a number of issues to talk about when considering biblical theology from a Christian gay perspective. Among them is what to think about Leviticus 20:13? Is homosexuality learned or in one’s make up? Is being or acting gay a sin which is unforgivable? It was not until I began wrestling with my own theology, studying scripture and reading various theologians and listening to the Holy Spirit speak to my heart, instead simply accepting what I heard or was taught; did I begin to understand what our Lord was saying to me. What it meant to me, develop my own systematic theology.

Let me say a word about my method of study. In examining scripture I usually read the passage in several versions to see the differences in wording. Then often I would read several commentaries coming from differing views ie conservative to more liberal. I also used resources to understand culture and history.

This writing is my attempt to verbalize in a systematic way my theological belief relating to homosexuality. It will be presented in several different posts dealing with specific scripture and issues. This is not nor is it meant to be an academic presentation, but rather a statement of what I have come to accept and believe as a Christian who is gay. My personal growth points in coming out.

Leviticus 20:13. “If a man sleeps with a man as with a woman, they have committed an abomination. They must be put to death, their blood in on their own hands” (HSB)

Often this verse is lifted out of the passage and used as if it stands alone. To do this ignores verses 1 through 21 of the passage plus the passages which precede and follow. That is never good exegesis. When considering Jewish law, history and context, several issues are raised. This was written in a time and culture when the nation of Israel was concerned about survival, purity, and idol worship. In the surrounding nations there was idol temple prostitution both heterosexual and homosexual often used and accepted as a form of worship to particular Idols. This was in direct violation of "you shall have no other God before me" commandment. Also if men had sex with men or women with women, there was no procreation for the nation. This verse is part of a passage of scripture that is speaking to the issues of procreation, aspects of Idol worship, ceremonial uncleanliness. Many of the rules set forth in this and other passages like it (such as not wearing wool, eating shell fish, or various meats) are no longer used or relevant to the life of God’s people.

To take this verse and used it without consideration of the rest of the passage, examining history, culture takes it out of context and often makes it a pretext. I don’t believe this single verse speaks to the issue facing the church and Christian homosexuals in the 21st century.

The New Thing

It has been a while since my last post! I need to be more consistent as I used to be.

Well, here it is. I know better than to say never. But I did. In past posts I said no to church employment, no to going in that direction. Well, our Lord has such a sense of humor, such a way of guiding, leading, teaching.

In May I joined the staff of a local Presbyterian church as the part time Coordinator of Christian Education for Adults. Funny uh? A Baptist minister serving a Presbyterian church! This church is a very open church, the pastor is liberal theologically and politically. Most of the church is theologically liberal or open. Yet, they have a high view of Scripture, a high Christiology, they think through what they believe and not just accept what they are told. I have been there 5 months now and I tell you i have been challenged, accepted, loved, taught. I have worked hard on programs, and projects. I am learning to rethink old ways of thinking. There is so much I could say about this new experience there is not room or time to write it. I thank God for this experience.

My Faith

Sometime ago I started sharing my personal statement of faith. Well I think the Apostles Creed states what I believe most effectively. Its the basics that are most important, I can work, and fellowship across denominational lines. Those traditions that separate us are not important enough keep me from working with others. At the Hospital I have to work with folks across all lines. Here I am placing the creed here, however there are specific doctrines that I want to speak to in future posts.

One of the things that I find bothersome about the denomination of my youth, is the practice of not working with or fellowshiping across denominational lines. There seems to be an emphasis on doctrinal purity and telling folk what to believe instead of teaching how to develop their own theology and gifts for service is unhealthy. Here is the Creed

I believe in God the Father almighty, maker of heaven and earth. I believe in Jesus Christ, God's only son, our Lord who was conceived by the Holy Spirit, born of the virgin Mary, suffered under Pontius Pilot, was crucified, died, buried, descended to the dead. Rose again on the third day,he ascended into heaven and is seated at the right hand of God the Father. He will come to judge the living and the dead.

I believe in the Holy Spirit, the holy catholic Church,the communion of the saints, the forgiveness of sin, the Resurrection of the body and everlasting life. AMEN.

Changes

Wow has it been that long since my last post? So much has occurred in my life since February! I will be sharing some of it here in the near future. I recall several posts where I said the "never" word. Well I should know by now you never say never! I will share more about that later too. It seems when you say never our Lord says Really... my plan for you includes the never item. God surely has a sense of humor!

Its has been a time of uncertainty, my path obscured by my thoughts, fears, misconceptions. They do get in the way! My how God opens things up when we surrender and whoosh its done. I truly stand amazed in the presence! I am in a different place now. Still adjusting

I will share more when there is time to write.